Wally and Dick's Text Messages
by RedAlert98
Summary: What do texts between Wally and Dick look like? This story surpassed crazy in Chapter 11 - Funny, No slash, Rated T for safety
1. Chapter 1

Texts between Dick and Wally were always a bit random. Neither thought much of it, not really. Both had eventually come to the habit of just texting a stray thought to the other one, not really minding if there was a response or not. They knew when the other was using sarcasm, being totally serious, extremely busy...needing a few reassuring words. There was never any doubt.

Well, unless you involved autocorrect.  
Or if Wally accidentally switched his phone to some foreign language.  
Of course there are incidents; you gotta make room for a few exceptions.

(D is of course Dick, W is Wally, and "Break" means a new conversation. These are all just random.)

_D - you bringing food tonight_

_W - ya b there in 10 min getting some hickey_

_D - ..._

_W - I WROTE CHICKEN **** YOU AUTOCORRECT_

Break

_W - dude what does it mean to ship a couple what the heck_

_D - *sends drawing of a couple tied together with panicked eyes in a box with the UPS logo on it*_

_W - funny._

_D - i am_

_W - apparently means a couple you support in a fandom or whatever_

_D - guess it takes an iceberg to break it up_

_W - ..._

_W - you didnt just do that_

_D - *sends picture of cat wearing shades with the caption 'LIKE A BOSS' *_

Break

_W - dude why are there no real vampires today_

_D - all killed themselves after reading Twilight_

_W - oh_

Break

_W - you free today_

_D - dang right I am *sends photo shopped picture of himself standing in front of American Flag with fireworks and a Bald Eagle*_

Break

_W - im exhausted_

_W- and bruised_

_W - and sore_

_W - and hungry_

_D - well quit bothering Artemis and your problem is solved_

Break

_W- so i have cheese but no crackers_

_D - sounds like youre cracka-lackin_

Break

_W - ran into a tree_

_D - LOL_

_D - U okay_

_D - or I should say oaky_

_D - haha_

_D - sorry_

_D - hey_

_D - dude you alright_

**This is fun...I might have enough in me for a few more chapters! Just say the word, and I'll get writing some more ;)**

**Hope ya like it **

**:)**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 of Wally and Dick's texts to each other...

_W - who is this someone changed all my contacts to Unknown_  
_D - THIS IS PATRICK_

Break

_W - hey I have a plan_  
_D - (p+l)(a+n)=pa+pn+la+ln I just foiled your plan_  
_W - dude get out_

Break

_W - so lemme get this straight_  
_D - what_  
_W - Rebecca black is kickin in the front seat AND sitting in the back seat?_  
_D - ya, but the real problem is what seat should she take_  
_W - huh._

Break

_W - So when we gonna get down?_  
_D - Friday._  
_D - we get down on Friday._

Break

_D - okay so imagine Artemis._  
_W - kay..._  
_D - all done up and looking amazing._  
_W - kay..._  
_D - going on an undercover mission..._  
_W - right..._  
_D - you walk up to her._  
_W - okay._  
_D - and she snarls out, 'I am in a dress, I have gel in my hair, I haven't slept all night, I'm starved, and I am armed, don't, MESS with me._  
_W - DUDE_

Break

_W - Just Dance 4. my place. tonight. 7:30._  
_D - the roof is not my son, but I will raise it._

Break

_D - i have a headache_  
_W - Voldemort must be close_  
_D - shut up_  
_W - you mean silencio_

Break

_W - what does water taste like_  
_D - I'll tell you if you describe to me a color that doesn't exist_  
_W - ..._  
_W - touche_

Break

_W - I should be ashamed of myself_  
_D - you really should_  
_D - you're not though._  
_W - nope._

**Hope you liked the second chapter! If you did, I'll post a third...**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 revealed!

_D - if you are ever at a loss of what to say just look at the person say 'so - it has come to this'_  
_W - brb_  
_W - just got slapped by Artemis_  
_D - ya, thats the one person you DON'T say it to._

Break

_W - what r you doing_  
_D - stealing everyone's left shoe_  
_W - ok_

Break

_W - dude there a llama in the middle of road what do I do_  
_D - A LLAMA!? HES SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD!_

Break

_W - no is too serious, nope is to casual, nah is just right_  
_D - 'did you kill this man?' 'nah.'_

Break

_W - little old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs arent fooling me_  
_D - retired mermaids._

Break

_W - what are you doing_  
_W - im bored_  
_D - English homework_  
_W - lol_  
_W - remember, i before e….except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor_  
_D - go run off a cliff_

Break

_D - I wonder if tap dancers walk into a room and think 'I'd tap that'_  
_W - how much pain meds are you on_ right now

Break

_W - dude so do you think heroines are on tampon boxes or just spongebob_  
_D - subject change NOW_  
_D - I disown you as best friend after that_

Break

_D - so what are you doing_  
_W - at library by my house, stupid research project_  
_D - He's at the library by his house._  
_W - ?_  
_W - what?_  
_W - wait who are you texting_  
_W - hey_  
_W - HEY_  
_W - ANSWER YOUR PHONE_

**thanks for the reviews guys, hope you enjoyed this chapter! I assume you want me to keep going with this? ;)**


	4. Chapter 4

Dun dun dun duuunnnnnnn...Chapter 4:

_W - just bought a million candy bars from gas station and lady asks if I'm gonna buy all of these_  
_D - and?_  
_W - I told her 'no, I'm stealing them and wanted to show you first'_  
_W - glad looks can't kill_  
_D - bet she flipped you off though_  
_W - well ya_

Break

_D - Bet you can't say 'good eye might' without sounding australian_  
_W - ... apparently not._  
_D - congratulations you now speak australian_

Break

_D - rearrange the letters in 'eleven plus two'_  
_D - you get 'twelve plus one'_  
_W - stop youre hurting my head_

Break

_D - hey lets drop your stds off at your house then head to the cave_  
_W - ..._  
_D - hurry up_  
_W - dude read your text_  
_D - I MEANT STUFF_

Break

_D - just put a spider on babs' head_  
_D - can you say deadman in 20 seconds_  
_D - if you don't hear from me in 2 hours my body is either in a river or I'm being tortured in a locked room forced to listen to Justin beiber_  
_W - And so on this day a dear friend was lost_

Break

_D - I have an army_  
_W - I have a Hulk_  
_D - I have fiery redheaded female friend with an irish temper_  
_W - I have a female archer with a bad attitude_  
_D - Ya well I have a jar of dirt_  
_W - ..._

Break

_W - I'm bringing sexy back_  
_D - youre the reason it left in the first place_

Break

_W - you're as cool as the people you hang out with_  
_D - you're welcome_

**Well this is getting interesting...lets - keep - going!**


	5. Chapter 5

I present to you...Chapter 5!

_W - Hola as_  
_D - ..._  
_W - Hook llammas_  
_D - ?_  
_W - I WAS TRYING TO TYPE ALOHA_  
_D - oh_  
_W - anyway HIV_  
_D - um_  
_W - dang this phone to the Tartarus...I was typing HI_

Break

_W - so how was the English test_  
_D - horrible_  
_W - lol_  
_D - i hope you step on a lego_

Break

_D - youre late_  
_W - got held up_  
_W - I cant help it that im so popular_  
_D - u did not just quote mean girls_

Break -

_D - yar i just met you_  
_W - and i be crazy_  
_D - but im your captain_  
_W - so call me matey_  
_D - ...we shall not speak of this_  
_W - agreed_

Break

_W - my grade just went from an A to a D_  
_D - how does that even happen?!_  
_W - ...actually it happens to a lot of girls in 9th grade_  
_D - -.-_  
_W - lol_  
_D - i need to find new friends_

Break

_W - what if I'm sexy and I don't know it_  
_D - you've got nothing to worry about_  
_W - youre just jealous_

Break

_D - call me now some serious school drama just went down._  
_W - im yelling timber._

Break

_D - great. the one time I need to go to walmart and I can't. this is all your fault._  
_W - youre one to talk._  
_D - i wasn't even TRYING to cause trouble, but lo and behold, guess what happens. your fault._  
_W - YOURE the one who touched the inflatable raft on display_  
_D - you pushed me out of the way to hit on a girl!_  
_W - I told you not to press the button! And what did you do? you pressed it._  
_D - I FELL ON IT WHEN YOU SHOVED ME OUT OF THE WAY_  
_W - well someones in a bad mood._

**Well...keep an eye out for chapter 6 ;)**


	6. Chapter 6

Welcome to Chapter 6, please fasten your seatbelts and keep arms and legs inside at all times:

_D - in detention_  
_W - rough dude_  
_D - saaaaave me, this is all your fault_  
_W - what ya get nailed for_  
_D - you changed my ringtone to a VERY inappropriate song and it went off in class!_  
_W - ... lol _  
_D - shut up_

Break

_W - so like what if Batman and Superman fist bumped_  
_D - the world would come to a screeching halt and time would stop_

Break

_W - someone changed my contact names again who is this_  
_D - I am the Doctor._

Break

_W - I'm bored_  
_D - leave Artemis alone_

Break

_D - my place, Saturday, 8 pm, karaoke night._  
_W - you're on._

Break

_D - where are you?_  
_W - Happy Harbor mall. M'gann brought everyone. in some bath and body works store._  
_W - what the heck is eucalyptus_  
_W - this face moisturizer smells like lima beans_  
_W - what does wood even smell like._  
_W - this is a bunch of crap I'm heading to the cave_  
_D - koalas like eucalyptus_  
_D - some koalas are evil_  
_D - see you at the cave_

Break

_D - change is hard._  
_W - how come_  
_D - have you ever tried to bend a coin?_

Break

_W - why did you tell m'gann that bogus story about me and some stop sign_  
_D - they all run together which story do you mean again?_  
_W - you're just making these up as you go along aren't you._  
_D - yep. but I do it brilliantly._

Break

_W - can I borrow your Xbox_  
_D - to quote Hamlet, Act 3 Scene 3 line 87: "No!"_

Break

_W - i have an idea_  
_D - is it illegal_  
_W - ...maybe_  
_D - call me._  
_D - okay we'll try it_  
_D - just remember if we're caught your deaf and I don't speak English_  
_W - shouldn't be that hard for you to pull off_  
_D - shut and and meet me there in 5_

**Onward and forward to Chapter 7! Can I get a booyah?!**


	7. Chapter 7

Okay Chapter 7: Readysetgo!

_W - look to your left_  
_D - ?_  
_W - the table in the corner to your left, by the fake plant._  
_D - the girl? ya I mean she beautiful_  
_W - beautiful? more like super mega foxy awesome hot_

Break

_W - how do I explain LOTR to a friend_  
_D - "Give me the ring!" "No!"_

Break

_W - dude i have something extremely unimportant to tell you asap call me!_  
_D - Wally you are DOWN THE HALLWAY_

Break

_W - crazy people don't know theyre crazy, I know I am crazy, therefore, I am not crazy, isn't that crazy._  
_D - madness in its purest form_

Break

_D - why are you late? Youre the FASTEST BOY ALIVE_  
_W - got a bloody nose._  
_D - really? how?_  
_W - tried to jerk the blanket up real hard, hand flew up and ended up punching myself in nose._  
_D - LOL well come over anyway_

Break

_W - whats the difference between a cat and a comma_  
_D - no_  
_W - one has claws at the end of its paws_  
_D - not again_  
_W - and one pas a pause at the end of a clause XD_  
_D - why do you make me suffer_

Break

_W - just saw this redhead kid._

_D - ya?_

_W - told him I was him from the future. know what he asks?_

_D - what?_

_W - if he has a girlfriend_

_D - HAHA did you tell him the truth_

_W - shut it._

Break

_W - you know how you always carry that weird chalk around_

_D - ya_

_W - well next time you get into an elevator, use it to draw a box around where you are standing and tell whoever is there that it is your personal space_

_D - heading towards the nearest elevator right now._

_W - and to think people wonder why we are friends._

Break

_W - just went into a mall and shouted 'hey pervert!'_

_D - ... you didn't_

_W - 5 people turned around._

Break

_D - MMMMMM Alfred's cookies yum_

_W - you're planning on sharing those right_

_D - uh, no habla ingles_

Break

_W - heard the Oxygen and Magnesium were going out and I was like OMg_

_D - nerd_

Break

_W - today sucked_

_D - well on the bright side of things you don't look like you did in 6th grade_

_W - ...guess thats one way of looking at it._

Break

_D - just baked iphone cookies_  
_W - why_  
_D - text Roy to meet us with his car we're trolling the police_  
_W - I see where this is going. meet you in Star_

Break

_W - dude I can't find my phone and am soo late for class!_  
_D - ..._  
_W - call it would you? so so late_  
_D - sure Wally, just let me find mine too then will call yours._  
_W - aw no way you lost yours too?! now what?_  
_D - well I guess you could just call it from your home line._  
_W - but i don't know my number!_  
_D - ... or_  
_D - maybe..._  
_W - WHAT?!_  
_D - you use your phone you are TEXTING ME ON right now._  
_W - ..._  
_W - ****_

**This was the last chapter of this series...7 chapters...and there were 7 horcruxes; well shoot. I promise these aren't horcruxes :) **

**thanks for all the reviews, its a lot of fun to hear what you have to say :D and since you guys gave me a 'booyah' in the last chapter, I made this one extra long XD  
**

**So...see you in the next fic, its gonna be a good one!  
**


	8. BONUS CHAPTER!

BONUS CHAPTER!

_D: wally_

_D: wally_

_D: wAlly_

_D: wALLY_

_W: stop_

_D: WALLY_

_W: I'm still mad at you_

_D: WALLYYY_

_W: fine WHAT_

_D: __why were the middle ages called the dark ages_

_W: what?_

_D: because there were so many knights_

_D: lol you're laughing admit it_

_W: oh shut it_

_W: and btw im still mad at you_

* * *

_W: apparently Mcdonalds DOES serve breakfast after 10:30 if you bring a gun_

_D: WTF DUDE_

_W: Mmm. pancakes._

* * *

_W: Sorry missed all your calls couldn't find phone_

_W: had it on silent_

_D: if ya liked it you shoulda put a ring on it_

_W: ha_

_W: HA._

* * *

_W: Are you done yet_

_W: hello_

_W:I've been waiting here for a millennium_

_W: my hair is starting to go gray_

_D: actually redheads don't go gray, they simply lose their pigment and their hair turns white_

_W: stop using logic against me._

* * *

_D: __Police should wear red white and blue light up shoes for when they have to chase people on foot_

_W: What are you, twelve?_

_D: On a scale of one to ten, ya._

_D: *takes a bow*_

* * *

_W: are nuns CIA or FBI_

_D: neither, theyre __Nterpol's __Undercover Ninjas_

_W: don't you mean Interpol_

_D: No I mean Nterpol __as in Interpol_

_D: They thought we wouldn't notice but we did_

* * *

_W:Dude._

_W: this just now occurred to me_

_W: did you ever think about the fact that asexual pirates aren't interested in your booty?_

_D: lol_

_D: I thought you'd finally realized tomorrow is your mom's birthday._

_W: wait WHAT_

* * *

_W: pizza is the only love triangle I ever want_

_D: its 3 am go to bed_

* * *

_D: And like I was saying, Babs __then slipped and fell backwards, but I caught her halfway through the fall and we kinda just stood there looking at each other for a second, so I said, 'I think you just fell for me'_

_W: damn son_

_W: Dickie-bird's got game_

* * *

_D: if I actually spoke my mind I'd be in deep trouble._

_W: where are you_

_D: Annual Charity Ball. _

_W: DO IT_

* * *

_D: CODE RED CODE FRICKIN RED_

_D: ALFRED REPLACED ALL THE JUNK FOOD IN THE HOUSE WITH CELERY__  
__D: I'M A WARRIOR I CAN'T LIVE ON RABBIT FOOD_

_W: sending reinforcements in now, maintain your current position and open a communication line stat_

* * *

_W: so ya._

_W: I had the brilliant idea of changing my password before I went to bed at like 2 or 3 am last night, didn't write it down cause 'there was no way I could forget this one', and now I'm locked out of my computer._

_D: try 'pizza'_

_W: ..._

_W: thank you, oh great all-knowing one_

* * *

(R is for Roy, who makes a guest appearance in a group message)

_R: what the heck guys, I said to stay put on the couch while I make a soda run._

_D: you're home earlier than we expected..._

_R: You better not be on a patrol_

_W: calm down we're just at the park._

_R: finally embracing your level of maturity, I assume?_

_D: shut it Roy Boy_

_D: For your information, we're gonna catch a pigeon._

_R: ...sorry, what? and more importantly, WHY_

_W: you see, it all started with the seagulls on Finding Nemo.._

_R: forget it, I don't want to know._

_R: Just get back here before I get in trouble_

_W: target is sighted TARGET IS SIGHTED_

_D: OVER AND OUT_

(15 minutes later)

_R: WTF, WHY ARE YOU SENDING ME SELFIES OF YOU GUYS AND A PIGEON_

* * *

Heya Guys and Gals!

So another unexpected update, I thought it was amusing, maybe you did too :D

I was supposed to update way more this summer, but it ended up hellish because of projects to do, sorry :) But ironically, once school starts, I'll actually have more time for writing, so yay for that!

Shoutout to PhantomwriterofAzarath! And in the words of Olaf from Frozen, "I like you too!" Lol, Booyah!

Catch you guys on the flipside!


	9. Suprise Chapter!

_D: you're late_

_D: again_

_W: I may of sort of accidentally adopted 5 cats_

_D: I GET ONE_

* * *

_W: how sure are you_

_D: pretty sure_

_W: gonna need more than pretty sure!_

_D: really pretty sure_

_D: like really pretty sure that theres a 75% chance this won't explode on us_

* * *

_W: I saw you on the news last night you are crazy!_

_D: I'm not crazy, I'm just special!_

_D: No wait maybe I am crazy_

_D: one second I have to talk to myself about this, hold on_

* * *

_W: how do i get people to stop asking stupid questions_

_D: they'll stop asking stupid questions if you answer back in interpretive dance_

* * *

_D: its truly a Monday_

_W: lol, you ok?_

_D: the voices in my head are fighting, my imaginary friend is running with scissors, and at one point today one of my personalities wandered off_

* * *

_D: did you ask your mom?_  
_W: when I did she said 'what do you think I am, made of money?'_

_D: ...isn't that what MOM stands for?_

_W: lol. I'll ask her sometime_

* * *

_D: today some girl asked me if it hurt when I fell from heaven_

_W: did you tell her no, you dug your way up from hell?_

_D: cute._

* * *

_D: wakey wakey!_

_D: morning sunshine!_

_D: rise and shine, wally!_

_W: f u_

_D: as flattered as I am, I don't swing that way_

_W: i hate u_

_D: if Dean can crawl out of purgatory, you can crawl out of bed princess_

* * *

_W: you know, I've really learned that with great power comes great responsibility_

_D: pfft whatever_

_D: you gonna be responsible?_

_W: Lol, no_

* * *

_W: gonna take a test in 5 min don't text me_  
_D: just remember - look up for inspiration, down in desperation, and left and right for information_

* * *

_W: are you telling me that Batman actually had you find a needle in a haystack as part of your training? ARE YOU SERIOUS_

_D: dead serious_

_W: HOW_

_D: to put it lightly - "I got the fire, fire, fire, Yeah I got the fire, fire, fire, And I let it burn, burn, burn, burn, I let it burn, burn, burn, burn'_

_W:...you set the hay on FIRE?!_

_D: and found the needle. duh._

* * *

_D: are you DONE YET?!_

_D: we need to go NOW_

_D: Im SO grounded for LIFE_

_W: if you'll give me a minute, I think I can make this worse..._

_D: OMG NO_

* * *

_D:hey_

_W: wht_

_D: will you remember me in a day?_

_W: ya, you feeling okay?_

_D: will you remember be in a week?_

_W: duh! yes!_

_D: will you remember me in a month?_  
_W: of course! where are you, I'm coming over_

_D: knock knock_

_W: ugh fine who's there_

_D: YOU SAID YOU WOULD NEVER FORGET_

_W: ...you're a dick_

* * *

_W: maybe the reason im single is because I've never gone to a new years eve party at a ski resort and sung karaoke with a complete stranger_

_D: WE RE SOARIN_

_D: FLYIN_

* * *

_D: no way Bruce won today's argument_

_W: why?_

_D: cause this is how it ended._

_D: Me: 'WHY?'_

_D: Him: 'BECAUSE I SAID SO'_

_D: Me: 'Good one Bruce, you should be a lawyer!'_

* * *

_D: look to your left_

_D: your other left_

_W: I'll do it if you do it_

_D: youre on_

* * *

_D: totally failed health and safety class today_

_W: wtf, how?_

_D: one of the questions was 'in the event of a fire, what steps would you take?'_

_W: and?_

_D: apparently 'hella big ones' was the wrong answer_

_W: ROFL_

* * *

Well this was from out of nowhere, I don't know why! I was supposed to be working on my story 'Lazy Days at the Circus - or Not' and then this just...happened.

But I think it was worth it, even though it set me back on said story mentioned above.

Shoutout to Jewelie-chan, whoo! I know, isn't Robin just the cutest?! And so sassy, and smart, and snarky, witty, adorable, and all around epicness XD

This time, instead of Booyah its BOOM-BABY! Lol sorry its just that I grew up watching The Emperors New Groove, so I've been quoting it since I was 3 years old. Seriously. So much fun.


	10. Chapter 10

_D: Don't anyone's heart, break their bones. they have over 200 of them._

_W: Wow. Somebody needs a happy meal._

* * *

_D: So which way did they go?_  
_W: well based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks over there, and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I'd say they went left._

_D: bullshit._

_W: fine they sent me a text._

* * *

_W: this is your fault_

_W: we're surrounded._

_D: stop complaining, this just means we can attack in any direction._

* * *

_W: how to work the new shower handles?!_

_D: pull up to turn on, turn left for hot, turn right for cold, TURN DOWN FOR WHAT_

* * *

_W: did you get it_

_D: you were going at like, the speed of fast_

_W: could I have an exact measurement please_

_D: so many_

* * *

_D: I'm in._

_W: remember, the bigger they are, the harder they hit._

* * *

_W: dude pretty lights_

_D: ?_

_D: you high?_

_W: being Australian is because of a crime you didn't commit_

_D: right..._

_W: pretty colors_

_D: wtf dude._

* * *

_W: how did you find me?_  
_D: im a detective, it's what I do._

_W: my mom told you didnt she._

_D: basically ya._

* * *

_W: where the hell are you?_  
_D: riding a llama in neverland - where do you think?_

_W: still not answering my question._

_D: look, I wasn't planning on going for a run, but those cops came out of nowhere._

* * *

_W: just had a fight with my alarm clock. it wanted to wake me up, I disagreed. things got violent, now its broken and im awake. not sure who won._

_D: huh._

_W: ya._

_D: hey I have a surprise for you._

_W: what is it?_  
_D: A FRIGGING SURPRISE DONT ASK QUESTIONS_

* * *

_W: you can tell a lot about a woman's mood just by her hands. for instance, if they are holding a gun, she's probably angry._

_D: what did you do._

* * *

_D: can I kill him?_

_W: no._

_D: ..._

_D: just a little bit?_

* * *

_W: im hungry lets go to mcdonalds_

_D: no the food there is just horrible_

_W: well then get a salad cause we're going_

_D: dude, going to mcdonalds for a salad is like going to a hooker for a hug_

* * *

_D: I can't make it, you and Roy will have to go without me._

_W: what happened?!_

_D: im grounded._

_W: nice going. what did you do._

_D: short version?_

_W: please._

_D: was in a bank. yelled NOBODY MOVE! *dramatic pause* i lost a contact lens_

* * *

_W: pretty sure going to hell because of our friendship_

_D: last one there wins_

* * *

_D: worst non-hero related panic you've ever had. go._

_W: losing mom in the store. superhero or now, you downright panic the first few seconds you lose your mom in a store. your turn_

_D: 6 years old, haunted house. freaky-ass goblin thing jumps in front of me. I scream, kick it in the nuts, then go hide behind my mom._

_W: OMG Im crYing what happened_

_D: the guy was lying on the floor in pain cussing like a sailor, while my dad was on the floor from laughter. mom had me in one arm, while trying to pull my dad up with the other so we could get out of there. They had to close it down._

_W: cant bREATHE_

_W: LMFAO_

* * *

I'm fighting tears of laughter because of the last one, omg

Shoutout to taylovesbevin ! A fellow supernatural fan - so get this: booyah! Im actually missing the next ep of supernatural right now, its the one where they are 'hunting wabbits' LOL I saw the promo but we don't have tv :(actually, shoutout to all the SPN fans - keep calm and carry on guys, maybe we can survive this season!

So until we meet again, we will not have seen each other. lol

R98 out


	11. Chapter 11

_W: you complete dick._

_W: you glued the fridge shut._

_D: guilty as charged_

_W: you think you're cute don't you_

_D: I think I'm adorable_

* * *

_W: so apparently I shipped Daphne and Fred before shipping a couple even existed_

_D: huh. guess I did the same with Mary Poppins and Burt the Chimney sweep._

_D: you do know that the actors who played Fred and Daphne from scooby doo are married in real life_

_W: THIS IS NEW INFORMATION TO ME_

_W: MY INNER 5 YEAR OLD IS JUMPING FOR JOY_

* * *

_D: hey do you want to know the mathematical odds of us dying from various causes, hero and non hero related, before we turn 18_

_W: you did the MATH?!_

* * *

_W: Did you really change your contact name in my phone to 'Master of the Aster?'_

_D: yes. don't deny it or try to fight it._

_W: fine._

* * *

_D: I forgot a word._

_D: it's the word for the building where you can rent books_

_D: dammit whats the word_

_W: I believe the word you are searching for is,_

_W: *dramatic pause*_

_W: LIBRARY._

_D: YA THAT ONE_

* * *

_W: type in 58008._

_W: then turn it upside down._

_D: Bruce was looking at my screen when you sent that._  
_W: ..._

_W: Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group._

* * *

_W: Ugg boots are actually quite comfortable_

_D: I have no response for that._

_W: so how was the trip to Vegas_

_D: what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas._

_W: so if the zombie apocalypse happened in vegas would it stay in vegas_

_D: why don't you try it and see_

* * *

_D: It is possible that I am what you would call a 'problem child'._

_W: lol why_

_D: Im in detention._

_W: because?_

_D: took a field trip to an animal farm. I got in trouble for hypnotizing the chickens._

* * *

_D: I'm burning in hell. Wish you were here._

_W: dare I ask, what happened?_

_D: you dared me to spike the eggnog at the Christmas party._

_D: I did._

_D: As punishment, I am now being forced to attend the Mayor's birthday party._

* * *

_W: she's driving me mad._

_D: Who, Artemis?_  
_W: I mean, she doesn't even need to know self defense, her best defense is being herself_

* * *

_W: I was wondering why the baseball was getting bigger. then it hit me._

_D: you could be joking, or you could be dead serious and it honestly wouldn't surprise me._

* * *

_W: dude, why do ALL of my computer icons and desktop folders have the face of Misha Collins on them._

_D: its called the 'mishapocalypse'. look it up._

* * *

_W: dude DUDE I just overheard a story from Uncle Barry_

_D: do tell_

_W: the first time he ever got drunk, he had to have his mom come pick him up, right? So he's trying to play_

_everything cool, and decides to make general conversation with his mom. So he asks his mom, "So mom, are_

_you a virgin?"_

* * *

_D: you've seen Beauty and the Beast right?_

_W: when I was like 5._

_D: good enough. you'll appreciate this (not.) lol_

_D: Nooo, ooooooone, runs like Kid Flash, or has fun like Kid Flash, or trips over their feet and falls flat like Kid Flash, as a Flash he's inherently iiiiirritating, my what a guy, Kid Flash!_

_D: youre welcome._

* * *

_W: where is everyone?_

_D: Artemis is patrolling with GA, Kaldur is off the coast of Australia, and M'gann and Connor are probably 'fixing the bikes'._

_W: why is the last part in quotations?_

_D: no reason._

* * *

_D: wow, what a jerk. What did you do?_

_W: I told him, 'Your mother is a f *beep*-*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*-ing *Beep* lorem ipsum *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* admiumvenium *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* turolagulio *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* hippopotomus *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* republican *Beep* *Beep*-ing Daniel Radcliffe *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* with a bucket of *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* in a castle far away where no one can hear you *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* soup *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* with a bucket of t-*beep*-*Beep* *Beep* Mickey Mouse *Beep* *Beep* with a stick of dynamite *Beep* magical *Beep* *Beep* *Beep* Alakazam'._

_D: damn._

* * *

_W: well maybe we should ask again._

_D: I always imagined Roy's induction to the team going like this:_

_D: Roy: "I know I'm gonna live to regret this but...I'm officially, on your team. You bastards."_

_W: LOL_

* * *

_D: I hacked the school website. check it out._

_W: dude, I'm dying._

_D: My favorite part is the improved slogan : 'We is smart. We is rich. We is gothum acadummy'_

* * *

_W: theres an old man in nothing but his bathrobe in the middle of the street_

_W: everyone is having to slow down so he doesnt' get hit._

_W: he's doing kung fu on the car ahead of us now. And i repeat, he is in nothing but his bathrobe._

_W: scarred for life dude._

_W: Roy is now using his more colorful words. we're crawling at 5mph_

_W: shit now the guy is karate chopping our car_

_W: sending you a video of Roy yelling at him._

_D: no dont im crying of laughter._

_D: was sitting in at one of Bruce's meetings. they kicked me out._

_W: wow, hes flexible._

_W: the guy is trying to climb onto the hood. Roy is laying into the horn._

_W: Such language, really Roy. We'd be able to buy a steak dinner with the amount he'll be donating to the swear jar_

_W: he just called Roy 'Clarence'_

_W: deliberately mooned us. Is doing kung fu on the car behind us now._

_W: It's like Austin Texas all over again_

_D: you and I remember Austin very differently_

* * *

**Lovin your guys' reviews, they always crack me up.**

**Have fun spotting the SPN references in this one!**

**And the Harry potter Puppet Pals reference, haha, the one with the beeps**

**shoutout to scribbled. ink! yes, it was - its hilarious that you caught that one, so booyah ;)**

**Sorry, I lied in my last story - the next update really WILL be YJWYJ, I'm halfway done with the next chapter.**

**Happy Thanksgiving everybody :)**


	12. Chapter 12

D: Why did star wars episodes 4,5,6 come before 1,2,3?

W: dude we both watched the 3 hour star wars documentary where they explained this

D: Because in charge of planning, yoda was

* * *

D: Wally

D: WALLY

W: WHAT

D: LOOK AT PAGE 46 OF THE iOS 7 TERMS AND CONDITIONS

W: ...

W: WTF?!

W: how did you even FIND that

* * *

W: today in science we had a sub and we was taking a third of the class outside at a time for part of this lesson, so while he was outside everyone flipped all the chairs upside down and formed a satanic pentagram in the middle of the room with yard sticks

D: go on

W: so I laid in the middle of it while everyone else acted like they were sacrificing me, then the sub came in and all he said was 'oh not again'

* * *

W: why wouldn't you just use a big magnet to find a needle in a haystack

D: cause setting it on fire was way more fun

* * *

D: next to roadrunner, R2D2 is the most censored character on tv

D: *beep big ding trill beeep whistle*

W: the hell did you just call me?

* * *

D: Do not reply to this message.

W: ok

W: ...dammit

* * *

W: its 3am and I'm making cheese quesadillas in a skillet cause the microwave will wake my parents up

W: My mom smelled the cheese so came down I'm making her a cheese quesadilla too

W: she laughed and woke my dad up

W: would you like to join me and my parents for cheese quesadillas

D: ...

D: sure ok

* * *

W: fricking camera on my phone

D: what

W: I'm trying to take a picture of the moon

D: lol

D: I feel ya bro

W: stop touching me

* * *

D: Im going to walmart for lucky charms

W: its midnight

D: theyre out of lucky charms

D: this is unbelievable

D: I came all this way for lucky charms, Im getting some lucky charms dammit

* * *

W: what do you daydream about

D: this conversation happening

D: "Alreeed!?"

D : "Whaat?"

D: "Where's my batsuit?"

D: "Whaaat?"

D: "Where. Is. My. Bat. Suit?"

D: and so on to the 'Greatest good you are EEEVER gonna get!' just in slightly different context

W: priceless

* * *

D: I have Dysania

W: what?! will you be okay?! what is it?

D: its the state of finding it hard to get out of bed in the morning

W: I THOUGHT IT WAS SOMETHING LIKE CANCER YOU DICK

W: I hate you

* * *

D: fandom poem challenge. go.

W: My eyes are green. His are blue. I deserve to be loved. I lost my shoe. - Supernatural

D: Not bad. My turn

D: His blood was red. His scarf was blue. If he doesn't turn up soon, I might have to jump too. - BBC Sherlock

W: DUDE

W: UNCALLED FOR

W: FINE YOU WIN

* * *

W: any luck?

D: well, the best of the best aren't available, so we're getting the best of the mediocre.

D: youre late.

* * *

D: Yeah, I have a plan

W: is it a good one?  
D: I have a plan.

* * *

W: my mom and her friend were talking, and the lady said 'do what you love and the money will follow'.

W: so I ate some pizza, harassed a telemarketer, and took a nap.

W: and now I wait.

* * *

D: I'm exercising

D: did I say exercising I meant exorcising

D: Exorcizamus Te Ominis Immundus Spiritus Omnis Satanica Potestas Omnis Incursio Infernalis Adversarii Omnis Congregatio et Secta Diobalica Ergo Draco Maledicte Ut Ecclesiam Tuam Secura Tibi Facias Libertate Servire, Te Rogamus!

W: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGGIRAAHHHHHHHHIIIIIIYYYYYAAAAAAHHGGRUUUAAAAAOAHHHeEEHHHHh

* * *

D: banned from the zoo.

W: Again?

* * *

D: I'M RETIRED

W: what?

D: I was tired yesterday. I'm tired today.

* * *

D: I HATE ENGLISH

D: IS IT GREY OR GRAY

W: its grAy in America and grEy in England

D: ...oh

D: thanks

* * *

D: you promised not to tell

W: and Hitler promised not to invade Czechoslovakia.

* * *

D: in Calculus the other day my teacher was having a coughing fit and says, 'I THINK SATAN IS CHOKING ME' and I just went 'sorry' out of habit and he stopped coughing

W: this explains so much

* * *

W: I got 99 problems and 95 of them are due by the end of the week

D: the other 4 were due last week

* * *

D: makin my way downtown, walkin fast, haulin ass cause its COLD OUT

D: da dadada dada - and I'm freezing

D: da dadada dada - and snots leaking

D: Da dadada dada - and now I ponder...should I get to, Gotham Academy, or say screw it, and play hookie

W: STOP

W: I WAS DRINKING SODA AND LAUGHED AND SNORTED IT INTO MY NOSE

D: at least its not cocaine youre snorting.

W: IT BURNS

* * *

Authors note.

OKAY DONT BE MAD, I'm FINALLY back!

SHOUTOUT to cantorahagedoorn! Booyah, and thanks! I really wasn't planning on updating this story, but what the hell :)


	13. Chapter 13

D: in english today we had to finish the other half of these 'well known proverbs'. Apparently they arent 'well known' enough cause I got 90% of them wrong. For the ones I didn't know, I just winged it.  
W: ya?  
D: ya. for example. "Children should be seen - " and my answer was "not yelled at or grounded."  
D: or "When the blind lead the blind -" and my answer was "get out of the way."  
D: but on this one I just wanted to mess with them, was gonna fail it anyway so why not. the saying was "Better late than - " and my answer was " pregnant ".  
W: you little smart ass.

* * *

W: I would like to thank my arms, for always being by my side. My legs, for always supporting me, and my fingers, because I can always count on them.  
D: you're an idiot.

* * *

D: why would she sell sea shells by a sea shore when you can just pick them up off the ground for free  
D: thats not how you run a business  
W: She sold sea shells by the seashore since shapely seashore seashells stay scarce. Since she sells superior shells searchers spend centuries searching for, seldom selling simple shells, she still sustains solid savings.  
D: Im gonna KILL you.

* * *

W: Ancient greeks believed that redheads would turn into vampires after they died  
D: I know what you are  
W: say it. say it out loud.

* * *

D: if 'womb' is pronounced 'woom' and 'tomb' is pronounced 'toom' should 'bomb' be pronounced 'boom'?  
W: ...  
W: is that a pun

* * *

D: dude I'm a triple threat  
D: I'm a smart ass, bad-ass, and have a great ass

* * *

W: you know how we went to visit relatives last week  
D: ya  
W: well my mom's cousin took us all to church, and her husband said he'd give me 20$ if while the priest was flinging holy water at us, I'd run into the aisle once he passed and start hissing/screaming "IT BURNS"  
W: so ya now I got 20 more bucks

* * *

D: words cannot tell how much I love you  
D: so forget it  
W: ...

* * *

W: TODAY MY CHEMISTRY TEACHER BURNED A HUNDRED DOLLAR BILL THAT WAS SOAKED IN ALCOHOL, BUT FORGOT TO TELL US THAT THE MONEY WOULDN"T BURN, ONLY THE ALCOHOL  
W: SO THE MONEY IS AFLAME AND WE'RE ALL YELLING AT HIM BUT THE ALCOHOL BURNED OFF AND THE BILL WAS FINE  
D: I use 100 dollar bills to light the marble fireplace in my room  
W: SHUT UP GRAYSON

* * *

W: what color are you guys painting M'gann's room?  
D: Barney's blood.  
W: dude come on.  
D: *sends picture of paint sample and name tag for it that says 'Barney's Blood*  
D: I'm dead serious.  
W: apparently so is Barney.

* * *

D: its funny that we say 'oh, man' to express disappointment  
D: because men are disappointing

* * *

W: why did they hire a human actor to play a dragon  
D: youre right they should have hired a dragon

* * *

D: so we're at Hoover Dam  
W: oh boy  
D: Goats are all over the side of it. pointed it out to Bruce.  
W: here we go.  
D: Goats all over the dam place  
D: I'm going to go buy some dam water  
D: and maybe a dam snack  
D: at the dam snack bar  
D: oh look theres dam barbeque  
D: Look at all that dam concrete  
D: Dam. this is huge  
W: please stop :/  
D: are you getting tired of my dam jokes?  
D: I thought they were dam good  
D: Bruce is giving me 'the look'.  
D: apparently he's been counting how many dam jokes I've made today.  
D: dam it.

* * *

D: Say loast, coast, roast, ghost, host, woast, post, quost, nost, boast  
D: what do you put in a toaster?  
W:...dang it.  
D: HA the answer is bread you moron

* * *

D: there is a legend that if you go take a shower and scream "MOM" three times, a nice lady appears bringing the towel you forgot.  
W: lol  
D: In my case its "ALFRED" but same difference

* * *

W: I'm totally useless today  
D: you're not totally useless.  
D: you can be used as a bad example

* * *

D: Bruce just made a dad joke.  
D: Kill me now.

* * *

D: today I learned that if you kill someone in international waters on an unregistered boat then throw the body overboard they can't trace it back to any one legal system so you can't be prosecuted for their murder  
W: ...  
W: so what did you do today

* * *

D: this person on the transit is sitting way too close  
D: Gonna kill Roy for dragging me on this thing  
W: can you move?  
D: no cause then we both lose our seats  
D: personal space invaded bigtime. this guys trying to read over my shoulder.  
W: delete this, and my last messages. then make your screen viewable to him while I text you again.  
D: k  
W: he will be arriving at 3:00 pm. His car is a white mustang, and he will be alone. Nobody frequents that part of the building at that time of day. We will have 45 minutes to work with.  
W: the side door has a simple lock you can easily pick.  
W: We can hide in the closet next to the door, and wait for him to go down the hall  
W: We can use a serrated knife, or butcher knife. Or maybe the machete that hangs on your wall.  
W: or two out of the three options.  
D: whats the soundproofing like?  
W: so long as we have a baseball bat, we can knock him out with one swing and should be fine.  
D: Make sure you have raincoats in the trunk of your car, they should be enough to stop our clothes from staining.  
D: if not I've got some antiseptic just in case  
W: I have a hoard of plastic wrap, so we can protect the carpet and leave no trace.  
D: How are going to go about disposing him. I still say acid treatment.  
W: No, landfill.  
D: Wally he just moved to the other side of the train  
D: His face Omg you should see his face  
W: I am DYING here  
W: ABSOLUTE HySteRiA  
D: the LOOK ON HIS FACE  
D: I'M TRYING NOT TO LAUGH  
D: I am CRYING with the effort of not laughing  
D: Roy came bck says im about to pop a blood vessel if don't calm down  
W: DONT LAUGH  
D: He'S TERRIFIED. the LOOKS he's giving me !  
D: WALLY HIS FACE

* * *

Author note : *in Eezma's voice* I bet you weren't expecting...THIS!

LOL no but seriously you guys definitely weren't expecting a new chapter for this so soon, haha got you.

I doubt I will ever be able to top the previous chapters. And I thought I needed to explain what I'm doing with this story; I really was planning on ending this on chapter 8 or 9, cause I thought I ran out of prompts and ideas. But more kept popping up, but it takes longer to accumulate enough to make a whole chapter, which is why the updates on this story are taking longer. What I'm trying to say is that no next chapter is guaranteed; I mean I'll be saving up ideas and prompts for the next chapter on this, but theres no promise that I'll have enough, and if I do, it could take quite a while to gather them all. BUT - anyway,

Your reviews in the last chapter made me feel like I was surrounded with kittens, they made me so happy :D Thanks, all you awesome readers! It made my day :)

Shoutout to Aryna Demitri! 3


	14. Chapter 14

D: some people ride The Crazy Train

D: but I drive that sucker

* * *

D: fyi Artemis is planning to put scorpions in your bed in retaliation for Friday's incident

W: well thats twisted of her

D: I think it runs in the family

W: what?

D: nothing.

* * *

W: this bird landed by my window and stared at me like I burned his house down

D: someone's got some 'xplainin ta do.

* * *

D: I forgot it was Black Friday and I WENT OUT

D: *trauma intensifies*

W: Were you killed?

D: sadly, yes

D: BUT I LIVED

* * *

W: you still mad bro

W: hey

W: im sorry

W: I promise I won't eat all of your cereal again

* * *

W: where are you

D: nursing my wounds

W: what?

D: ask the employees if theres a side door you can use

D: if you go out the front door, the goose will attack

* * *

D: did you see all the upsexy today?

W: the what?  
D: the upsexy.

W: What's upsexy?

D: Not much, you?

D: *smooth criminal plays in the distance*

* * *

D: where are you

W: I'm lost

D: you have a gps, how are you lost

W: I accidentally set the language to Chinese

* * *

W: I want to steal a donut truck and go on a high speed chase

W: because it would by funny watching cops chase a donut truck on the news

* * *

W: I know it was you. I saw you.

D: I didn't do it

W: then why were you laughing

D: cause whoever did do it is a freaking genius

* * *

D: hey wally

D: are you a fire detector?

W: no why

D: cause you're really loud and annoying

W: takes one to know one

* * *

D: I lost my phone can you call it

W: sure

W: ...

W: I have realized my mistake.

D: you're an idiot

W: i hate you

D: I know you mean 'love'

* * *

W: do ducks have jackets

W: did muck save nuggets

W: dang it

W: does husk make giggles

W: forget it

D: what

D: what...I just...what?

* * *

D: 10

W: 10 what

W: ?

W: what?

D: 9

W: huh?

W: dude what are you talking about

W: 9 what

D: 8

W: what are you doing

W: I don't get the joke

W: call me

W: now

D: 7

W: seriously WHAT

W: this isn't funny

W: answer my calls

D: 6

W: wtf dude?!

W: come on this is stupid quit it

W: explain what you're doing

D: 5

W: WHY are you doing a countdown?

W: WHAT ARE YOU COUNTING DOWN

W: IM SO CONFUSED

D: 4

W: I AM CONCERNED

W: WHAT DID I DO

D: 3

W: WhaT HAPPENS WheN YOU REACH 0

W: TELL ME

D: 2

W: WHATS HAPPENING

W: STOp

D: 1

W: NO

D: ...

W: ARE YOU GOING TO ANSWER ME OR NOT

W: HEY

W: IM GONNA KILL YOu

* * *

You guys are cracking me up, wow I mean I've never had so much fun reading the reviews XD

And people seem to be getting a bit desperate for the next YJ watches YJ update...I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh at your pain but its a little funny - next chapter for that will be up SUNDAY! WHoo!

Like I said before, there will be THREE updates for YJ watches YJ this month!

Shoutout to cutie0612 , who said "They are totally horcruxes now that you said something who did you kill to make these"

And now I'm cackling


	15. Chapter 15

W: the lady walking ahead of me sped up, so I did too, then she began walking faster and faster so I did too, then she started running so I did too, and I don't know what we were running from but I was freaking out

D: this concerns me.

* * *

D: All that glitters is not gold.

D: sometimes its morons pretending to be vampires

* * *

W: do kids who never get in trouble even know what there middle names are?

D: I get to hear mine every day.

* * *

D: fun fact: the average person walks past a murderer about 36 times in their lifetime

W: how is that a fun fact

D: its fun because they didn't murder you

* * *

D: I have a feeling my guardian angel spends 80% of it's time facepalming

W: and the other 20% looking for a new job

* * *

W: you know its cold outside when you go outside and its cold

D: you dont say

* * *

W: so things good now?

D: ya just needed some space

W: *sends picture of stars*

W: *sends picture of galaxy*

W: *sends picture of supernova*

W: *sends more pictures of space*

D: ALRIGHT THATS ENOUGH SPACE

* * *

D: when Taylor swift sings 'and the fella over there with the hella good hair' do you think she's talking about me

D: I think she's talking about me

* * *

W: whats your street name

D: Lil Loco

W: ...

W: you live on a street called Lil Loco

D: oh you meant address?

* * *

D: A man walks into a zoo.

D: the only animal in the entire zoo is a dog.

D: its a shitzu

W: DUDE

* * *

W: THE SUN IS ON FIRE I REPEAT THE SUN IS ON FIRE

D: THE OCEANS ARE FLOODING OMG THE OCEANS ARE FLOODING

* * *

D: I need a shirt that says 'Im with stupid'

D: with an arrow on it that always points West

W: ...

* * *

D: f*** **** ***** ** * * * **** ****** I mean ARGH

W: ... bad day?

D: I'M SO MAD

D: IM AT SCHOOL

D: IN THE SCHOOL YARD

D: THERE IS NO SURVEILLANCE CAMERA NEAR ME

D: I SNEEZE

D: AND BRUCE TEXTS ME 'Bless you'

D: HE'S DOING IT JUST TO MESS WITH ME HE THINKS ITS FUNNY

D: GIMME SOMTHIN TO PUNCH

* * *

D: I was sticking my bare feet out the window and a Harley rider tickled my foot

W: awww is twinkle toes ticklish?

D: STOP CALLING ME THAT

* * *

D: :(

W: turn that frown upside down bro ;)

D: ):

W: why do I even try

* * *

W: Have day

D: Ok thank

* * *

D: our death ray doesn't seem to be working

D: I'm standing right in it and I'm not dead yet

W: dude get out of the death ray

* * *

D: one time the sub history teacher who has a monobrow asked me 'what the hell did you do to your hair' cause I'd accidentally bleached some of the ends, so I asked 'what the hell did you do to your eyebrow' and he sent me out

W: lmfao im choking on air stop

D: so when I came back in he asked everyone what monotheism was and I said it meant a religion that worshiped one god because mono means one, as in monobrow

D: and he sent me out again

W: I. Cant. BREATHE

* * *

Robin's 'street name' is a slight reference to a conversation that happened in 'Your Call May Be Interrupted', in case you guys were wondering, lol (when he accidentally joined a gang) pfft, heh

Shoutout to PikaWings, who was able to use a few texts from last chapter to troll her friend, HAHA XD Atta girl!

sidenote:

WE WENT TO AN IMAX THEATER TO SEE THE FORCE AWAKENS

AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I LOOOOOVED IT!

Can't stop listening to Rey's Theme! One of fav parts of soundtrack!


	16. Chapter 16

W: wanna go to that coffee shop youre always talking about

D: ya but you can't laugh or you'll ruin it

W: what?

D: I've been faking a british accent there for 2 years, so don't laugh

* * *

D: currently going through my day at the speed of 15 wtf's per hour

W: go to channel 10 news

D: 20 make it 20

* * *

W: today I was flying a kite and this girl literally says 'so you're flying a kite?'

D: why were you flying a kite

W: and I said 'nope, fishing for birds'

D: why were you flying a kite

W: If I hadn't been a smartass, I think she was interested in me. Your smart-assery is contagious.

D: why. were. you. flying. a kite.

W: oh for the love of peace

W: it was a gift from Grandma and she wanted pictures okay

* * *

W: if you say batteries really fast is sounds like you're saying Paris in a french accent

D: hang on

W: it has to be REALLY fast

* * *

D: so zombies eat brains

D: and dementors suck out souls...

D: dude youre safe.

* * *

D: was swimming the other day

W: kay

D: yelled 'SHARK!'

W: kay

D: at least 15 people got out of the water

W: kay

D: we were at a pool.

W: ...

* * *

D: I'm bored

W: this could get dangerous

* * *

D: going shopping you're coming

W: can't reach the top shelves?

D: ha. ha.

D: I'm not short, I'm just more down to earth than some people

* * *

W: so you doing it?

D: no. I never make the same mistake twice.

W: Ya, you make it 5 or 6 time just to be sure

W: you're gonna do it aren't you

D: maybe.

* * *

W: dude sea otters have a pouch that they use to store their favorite rock

D: omg

* * *

W: why haven't you answered your phone?

W: you okay?

D: no.

D: I delivered a baby in a building that had a bomb on a timer and was going to explode

W: well thats fun

W: boy or girl

D: gorilla

W: wow

D: I meant GIRL dang it autocorrect

* * *

W: I'm gonna go stand outside

W: so if anyone asks

W: I'm outstanding

D: okay

* * *

D: The sidewalk sign said no bicycle riding, rollerblading, rollerskating, skateboarding, and scooter riding

D: it didn't say anything about unicycling

W: lol work it bro

* * *

D: I can't get out of bed

W: really

D: the blankets have accepted me as their own

D: if I leave now I might lose their trust

* * *

D: hey

W: what

D: the best way to tell someone you don't like them is to text this to them:

D: 370HSSV 0773H

D: and then tell them to read it upside down

* * *

D: what's taking so long?

W: M'gann said to go without her. she's pregnant for the weekend.

D: O.O

D: what

W: PREPARING

W: PREPARING FOR THE WEEKEND

W: NOT PREGNANT

D: well I didn't know how these things work for martians so I guess nothings out of the range of possibility

W: I HATE AUTOCORRECT

* * *

Shoutout to scribe-lee \- congrats on converting your own brother too - haha I think we're brainwashing our youngers siblings, aren't we!?

And with so many requests with the A-Z Wally whump fic...okay, I'll do it :) BUT, it will be a A-Z Wally and Dick whump fic, okay? lol. And it will have to wait a while, I've got Yj watches Yj to catch up on and get ahead of ;)


	17. Chapter 17

D: once upon a time I was sweet and innocent

D: and then I met you

W: hey Roy gets at least half the blame

* * *

W: I need the incantation to make holy water

D: just put the water in a pot and boil the hell out of it

W: dude.

* * *

D: I bet I can get you to say red

W: fine try it

D: what color is the sky

W: blue

D: ha told you I could get you to say blue

W: no you said red

D: *sends troll face*

W: ...dang it.

* * *

D: on pain meds lots

W: like now many

D: whoa

D: smuggle some chicken nuggets in for me kay

D: they gave me...all the meds

D: wow

W: can you move

D: why am I in the way

* * *

W: do you realize how many times you've been the reason I look down at my phone and laugh

W: and then walk into a pole?

* * *

D: when I'm totally bs - ing somebody, stop joining in and adding ridiculous stuff to the story

D: cause then it gets funny

D: and I have to try not to laugh

* * *

D: 3 reasons to stand up:

D: 1. You have to go somewhere

D: 2. To stretch

D: 3. You are the real slim shady

W: *stands up*

D: sit back down you're not the real slim shady

W: *sits back down*

* * *

W: Arguing with a woman is like getting arrested

D: everything you say can and will be used against you

* * *

D: so I wrote some new lyrics for the Water Dance by Chris Porter and Pitbull

W: im listening

D: in the chorus, instead of 'aint no party like an east coast party' etc etc etc

D: it's 'ain't no party like a bruce wayne party where the guests are rich and fake and haughty, flounce that money now flounce that money, follow that money you gold-digging honeys!'

W: ...wow. someone's not having fun at a formal event.

D: just shoot me please.

* * *

W: I wonder if clouds ever look down on us

W: as say 'hey! that one is shaped like an idiot!'

D: how dare they say that of you?!

W: shut it.

* * *

W: this is ridiculous

W: I am a legit kick-ass hero

W: but when I'm home alone every noise I hear is a serial killer

* * *

D: I'm in the mood to misbehave

D: who's with me

W: ...

W: I'll get Roy

* * *

W: there wasn't a mosquito

D: yes there was

W: no, there wasn't.

D: well not after I killed it

W: by slapping me. how convenient.

* * *

D: if you're supposedly 'cooler' than me

D: does that make me hotter than you?

* * *

D: you okay?

W: ya

D: was that you?

W: was what me

D: did you just fall?

W: no

D: oh, so you just decided to attack the floor?

* * *

W: was practicing driving with Roy

W: and a cop pulled us over and said "Papers"

W: so I said "scissors, I win" then drove away

W: and now Roy's yelling at me.

D: well ya in all fairness you should have done 2 out of 3

* * *

W: you left your phone here

* * *

W: so you finished with homework yet?

D: no I'm prostituting

W: … um

W: is this a joke or are you, um, undercover, or…..

D: PROCRASTINATING

D: NOT PROSTITUTING

D: GEEZ WALLY I'M NOT A HOOKER

* * *

SHoutout to Unlucky Alis \- thanks, and those YJ watches YJ updates are coming soon :)

Keep being awesome guys, cause you **are** fricking awesome XD

Next update on this won't be for awhile, sorry!


	18. Chapter 18

W: WHERE ARE YOU

D: at the gas station

W: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN GONE

W: IT FEELS LIKE FOREVER

D: ten minutes. red or blue gatorade

W: I CANT REMEMBER WHAT YOU LOOK LIKE

W: BLUE

* * *

W: how's Paris

D: entertaining

D: some guy got down on his knee to tie his shoe, girlfriend thought he was proposing.

D: can you say 'meltdown'?

* * *

W: I wanna write 'I miss you' on a rock and throw it at your face so you know how much it hurts to miss you

D: you say such nice things, I didn't know you cared!

* * *

D: you'll get use to her.

D: familiarity breeds tolerance

W: I think its contempt

D: is it?

* * *

D: I've been infected with arachnid venom

W: what?  
D: I have an itchy spider bite.

* * *

D: so if youre dating a federal agent then dump him

D: does that make him your fed ex?

* * *

W: its so nice being alive at the same time as you

D: now im getting all emotional

* * *

D: Paper soaks up blood better than anyone gives it credit for

W: ok

* * *

W: so if you're Lil Loco

W: does that make me Lil Roho

* * *

D: I regret nothing

\- 15 minutes later -

D: I regret everything

* * *

D: she dared me to hit on you.

W: actually hitting me doesn't count!

D: a kiss with a fist is better than none.

* * *

D: there are a lot of people who need to shut up

W: not me though

* * *

D: I want snuggles but get struggles

W: this makes me sad

W: I'll snuggle you bro.

* * *

W: okay but with as famous as you are, how did the people at the cafe not realize that you're not british?!

D: shut up. I told you not to laugh

W: you had to go and say 'bollocks!' when you spilled your coffee, what did you think was going to happen?!

* * *

D: okay so lets put on green morph suits and go harass the weatherman

D: so that everyone watching at home won't know why he's freaking out

W: awesome

* * *

D: if you're ever feeling worthless, just remember that your organs are extremely expensive on the black market

W: you're terrible.

* * *

D: I'd take a bullet for you any day, but I'll be pissed about it cause if i have time to move into the path of the bullet, you have time to get out of the way

W: fair enough

* * *

D: Bruce Wayne for President 2016!

W: You're kidding right?!

D: lol yes im kidding

* * *

W: throwing lamps at people who need to lighten up

D: throwing handles at people who need to get a grip

W: throwing clocks at people who need to get with the times

D: throwing matches at people who need to get fired up

W: calm down there lil loco

* * *

D: knock knock

W: who's there?

D: britney spears

W: britney spears who?

D: wrong person sorry

D: knock knock

W: whos there?

D: britney spears

W: britney spears who?

D: Oops I did it again

* * *

W: there's no food at the cave again

W: not even bread

W: even prisoners have bread

* * *

D: WE HAVE TO LEAVE THE COUNTRY  
W: why

D: GOT IN TROUBLE WITH SOME PEOPLE  
W: which people

D: BAD PEOPLE  
W: WHAT PEOPLE  
D: OKLAHOMA MAFIA

* * *

W: hey

D: hi

W: what's up

D: nothing you

W: not much

D: k bye then

W: bye

* * *

D: ABCDEFG

D: GUMMY BEARS ARE CHASING ME  
D: ONE IS RED  
D: ONE IS BLUE  
D: ONE IS CHEWING UP MY SHOE  
D: NOW IM RUNNING FOR MY LIFE  
D: CAUSE THE RED ONE HAS A KNIFE

W: text me later if you're still alive

* * *

D: are you and Roy going to come pick me up or not

W: omg

D: hurry up

W: omg

D: its starting to rain

W: omg

D: i'm telling Dinah

W: omg no

* * *

W: hi

D: hi

W: you hungry?

D: you hungry?

W: are you copying me?  
D: are you copying me?

W: Wally West is the best he is superior to all the rest

D: actually ya I'm hungry

* * *

W: hey what do you want for dinner?  
D: I'LL TELL YOU WHAT I WANT WHAT I REALLY REALLY WANT

W: SO TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT WHAT YOU REALLY REALLY WANT

D: olive garden

W: ok

* * *

W: lol

D: Lshidmtamsfo

D: you know what that means?  
W: laughing so hard I dropped my taco and my sombrero fell off

D: YES

* * *

D: apparently you can't be employed by the CIA if you've ever illegally downloaded music

W: now I know why my application never went through.

* * *

W: I have no idea what Im doing

W: but I'm doing it really really well

* * *

W: I've left you like 100 messages

W: if you're trying to tell me something, I dont know what it is

W: cause you won't call me back

* * *

D: so...I escaped then?

D: really?  
D: brilliant! love it when I do that

D: what day is it

W: I think you have mild amnesia.

* * *

D: your life is a series of awkward and humiliating moments separated by snacks

W: your life is a series of aerial and kidnapped moments separated by the paparazzi

* * *

D: my aunt Audrey had this parrot that could talk, and whenever someone would pass it we would say to it, "You're a bird!" and the parrot would repeat the phrase back

D: and one day I was alone in the room with it, and heard it very quietly say to itself, "_I'm_ a bird."

D: so I hauled ass out of there before it developed even more powers

* * *

W: at a family reunion

W: who even are these people

W: lets play a game called 'guess the wifi password'

W: yes I am really this tall

W: can we leave now

W: omg free food

W: no I don't have a girlfriend

W: Im really bad at 'guess the wifi password'

D: try 'sandiego81'

W: ...love ya bro.

D: I know.

* * *

Shoutout to little miss BANANNA HEAD ! Aw man you're a lot of fun - booyah !

And Shoutout to all the people who have used this story to troll their friends! YES!

As for Young Justice Watches Young Justice, I'm at risk of getting in trouble for copyright, under the terms of use on this site. That story was even put in a community for stories to be reported to the website administrators. So basically, I feel blacklisted. This was horrible for me to find out, so I was totally depressed about it for days. But I'm out of that funk now, so I'll working on other stories, but regarding YJ Watches YJ...Best case scenario, that story will have one more chapter. Cause guys, I don't want my account shut down.


	19. Chapter 19

D: it's so much fun dropping ice cubes down the back of people's shirts

W: do it to me and you're dead.

D: ...but your reaction is the funniest

* * *

W: apparently when I was 3, I pronounced 'firetruck' as 'free f***'

D: dude lol

D: well my mom always wanted to go see Niagra Falls, but I was 4 and struggled with English and pronounced it as 'viagra falls'

W: isn't that kind of the opposite effect of viagra, lmao

* * *

W: gonna take my drivers license test in 5 min

W: im gonna faaaail.

W: gonna crash and die

D: you'll do fine

D: on a completely unrelated subject, would you rather be buried or cremated

W: not helping.

D: lol. just shut up and drive.

W: Got you where you wanna go if you know what i mean

W: Got a ride that smoother than a limousine

W: Can you handle the curves? Can you run all the lights?

W: If you can baby boy then we can go all night

D: STOP singing a song full of sexual innuendos based off of what I just said!

* * *

W: I'm having a bad day.

D: imagine behind the scenes of the Tellytubbies, okay,

D: Po, the red one, falls down, and you hear a grown man's voice yell 'Sh*t!' from inside the costume.

W: lol thanks bro

* * *

W: why is the voice of your gps an Australian guy.

D: research.

W: suuure. ok.

* * *

D: getting ready to troll the elevator at the Wayne Enterprises building all day, send me everything you got

W: forget that, I'll be there in 30 minutes.

D: don't you have school today

W: ...

W: will be there in 30 minutes

* * *

W: at home depot with my dad.

W: these guys' name tags are worn to hell

W: apparently theres 'Rick' and 'Dick' and I don't know which one to call what

* * *

D: Assemble at the three broomsticks if convenient, if inconvenient, time travel there anyway. could be dangerous. bring salt.

W: ...

W: i love you

D: i know.

* * *

D: Roy was asking how our first official mission went.

W: and what exactly did you tell him.

D: that we effed sh*t up, but it was awesome.

W: well said.

* * *

W: you're gonna get in trouble.

D: you're only in trouble if you get caught

\- 30 minutes later -

D: I'm in trouble

* * *

D: what is the Wizard of Oz anyway

W: there's this girl dorothy, who whines a lot and has red hair, who end up accidentally killing this one braud with her flying house when she ends up in candyland, and there's this other green lady, and she's like, 'gimme your shoes' and Dorothy is like 'witch please', then theres these flying monkeys and stuff, so dorothy has this epic water fight with the witch and ends up melting her (which is gross cause if water melted her then that means she NEVER showered), and it turns out in the end Dorothy was just, like, totally tripping and none of it was real. Plus she sings and stuff.

D: ...wow.

* * *

W: why are you sending me all these pictures. Did you draw that on the fifty dollar bill?

W: are you defacing U.S. currency?

D; in the words of a fallen angel, 'Don't ask stupid questions'.

W: you know thats illegal, right?

D: Yes, well, so is pickpocketing, but - hey! looks whos's a master pickpocket!

* * *

D: Paper cuts, stubbed toes, stepping on clippies and legos

D: Few times will you know such pain

D: When you experience any of these

D: The words that come out of your mouth are profane

W: This speaks to me on a spiritual level

* * *

(Group Message with Roy, who makes special guest appearance)

R: no but if this guy's name is Robert and I havent met him yet, would it be rude to call him 'Bobby'

R: ?

D: yes. some people don't like their 'shortened' or slang names. Like people calling me 'Richie'. makes me murderous.

R: Duly noted.

W: I still don't get why is Bob short for Robert.

W: and how do you come up with 'Billy' from 'William'?

R: How the heck do you get 'Dick' from 'Richard'?!

W: you ask him nicely.

R: Lmfao. You hella dead, Wally.

R: he's already plotting. Run bro.

* * *

Alrighty then! Shoutout to CuzImBatman - I'll be waiting for the million years worth of robins, haha

And Yes, there was a Doctor Who Reference in the last chapter! I'm not a whovian but thought it'd be fun to throw in there!

Continue to troll people with these, guys, and don't forget to tell me about it! A new reviewer, Kira Sema, trolled her cousin with a bunch of them, and her cousin thought she was high - that was hilarious to read about. KEEP TROLLING EVERYONE!

And in regards to the last chapter - seriously, am I right about the family reunions? I mean, who ARE those people? I've only been to one of them, but it was an absolutely miserable day! And it was only my mom's side of the family!


	20. Chapter 20

**ATTENTION: YOUNG JUSTICE SEASON 3 MIGHT BE HAPPENING, IF WE MAKE IT HAPPEN -**

**LOOK UP 'YOUNG JUSTICE SEASON 3 IS POSSIBLE WITH FAN HELP'**

* * *

W: I honestly can't believe you

D: what did I do

W: you literally recorded the sound of nails against a chalkboard, and set it as my text tone.

D: oh that

W: IT WENT OFF IN A RESTAURANT

D: whoopsie lol

* * *

D: intoxicated people, children, and leggings always tell the truth

W: wanna get Roy drunk

D: ya ok

* * *

D: pick up some pipe cleaners, water paint, and googly eyes

D: we're doing crafts today

W: I thought we were going to the mall

D: no shut up we're doing crafts today

* * *

W: what are you doing

D: binging on fan art

W: what?  
D: I'm binging on burdge bug's fanart leave me alone

* * *

W: when you homeschooled, did they send you the curriculum?

D: ...who's 'they'?

W: ...okay then.

W: what was it like?

D: Basically this. There are no snow days, your birthday is a holiday, you're not really certain what grade you're in, and pajamas are totally an acceptable part of the dress code.

D: it was awesome.

* * *

W: what are you doing this weekend?

D: I'll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending that I don't exist.

* * *

W: I KNOW YOU DID IT

D: NO I DIDN'T

D: ARE YOU CALLING ME A LIAR

W: I AIN'T CALLING YOU A TRUTHER

* * *

D: dude its not gonna work

W: it'll work

D: seriously, give it up.

W: No, I never give up before I embarrass myself

* * *

W: dad and mom

D: what? no thats wrong

W: jelly and peanut butter

D: wtf

W: Josh and Drake

W: Ashley and Mary-Kate

D: dude stop

W: cheese and mac

W: treat or trick

D: why are you doing this STOP

* * *

D: come on

W: no

D: por favor

W: no

D: por favor

W: no

D: ...por favor

W: ...

W: alright

* * *

D: sorry didn't see you texts was arrested

W: O.O

D: raptured

W: ...

D: dang it RESTING

D: i was RESTING

* * *

W: so what if guy heroes dressed like woman heroes

D: GEEZ WALLY MENTAL IMAGES

D: STOP IT

* * *

W: GOT A MEGAPHONE  
W: DUDE THIS IS AWESOME  
W: ARTEMIS IS YELLING AT ME  
W: HELP

* * *

D: going to be an extra in a music video again

D: my way of having fun, incognito

W: cool

D: last time I moved everything on set 5 inches to the right, and it messed with everyone but they couldn't figure out why

W: hide all the water bottles this time

D: lol ok

* * *

D: red hair

D: vacant expression

D: you must be a Weasley

W: quiet you muggle

* * *

D: your humor is tasteless, inappropriate, and totally hilarious

W: sometimes I wonder how you put up with me, then I remember I put up with you, so we're even

* * *

W: if you could change how you look, what would you change

D: why mess with perfection

* * *

D: what is this whole thing with the Trojan horse

D: or was it a sheep

W: the Greeks and Trojans were being all catty with each other, and the Trojans are like, "we are at war with the greeks, we must not let our guard down for a moment!" "sir, there is a giant horse outside." "oh rad bring it in"

* * *

D: *sends picture from top of tall building*

D: i'm gonna jump

W: do a flip

* * *

D: On your left

D: the other left

* * *

D: see those girls over there wearing percy jackson shirts

W: ya

D: lets play a game called 'annoy the fangirl'

D: you have one comment.

* * *

W: you're a terrible influence

D: I don't know what you're talking about

D: I'm a GREAT influence. since coming to live with Bruce, his media scandals have gone down by 63%

* * *

W: Rob.

W: Robin

W: Little R

W: Robbie

W: Robster

W: Roberto

W: Robinero

W: Robincanezzar

W: Robinamundo

D: i was ASLEEP

* * *

(Group Message with Roy, who makes another special guest appearance)

R: hey you guys almost here

D: R - E - S - P - E - C - T

W: FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME

R: guys seriously

D: R - E - S - P - E - C - T

W: a little RESPECT

D: Just a little bit!

R: guys.

W: Uh huh, just a little bit!

D: a little RESPECT!

R: i give up.

* * *

So here we are at the 20th chapter of a fic that was supposed to end at chapter 7, heh.

I've been doing my part for the effort to get **Young Justice renewed for Season 3**; have been streaming netflix -non stop, all day with Young Justice!

Let's make it happen guys!

Shoutout to FinalFantasyCrazedGirl01, who brought the **YJ Season 3 news** to my attention!

And in response to a reviewer's question - the teletubbies behind the scenes thing was just something I came up with on my own, I couldn't tell you if it's true or not, haha.


	21. Chapter 21

( Special guest appearance from Roy, right off the bat, since you guys asked so nicely ;) )

D: hey Roy, be parked at 34 Monroe Street tonight at 8 o'clock, 15 feet from the Stop sign.

R: Why

D: cause neither Wally or me have a car

W: or a license

D: and we need a getaway driver.

* * *

W: I could eat a whole avocado right now

D: avacadon't

W: avacago away

* * *

W: Tumblr has officially gone insane

D: isn't it always insane

W: well ya but this is on a whole new level

D: how so

W: it's the Sherlock fandom

D: well they're always insane...

* * *

D: the past, the present, and the future walked into a bar.

D: it was tense.

* * *

D: what is froyo

W: probably something to do with Lord of the rings

D: …

D: apparently its frozen yogurt

W: huh

* * *

D: the bat signal is like Life Alert

D: instead of 'help I've fallen and I can't get up!', its 'help there's psychos running amuck!"

W: Lmao

* * *

D: say 'raise up lights'

W: okay,

D: you just said 'Razor blades' in an Australian accent.

D: now say 'beer can' with a british accent

W: okay,

D: you just said 'bacon' with a jamaican accent

W: awesome

* * *

D: where are you

W: Cave.

W: dude….we have a laundry chute

W: are you thinking what I'm thinking

D: …

D: i think this is a terrible and immature idea and i am behind you 100 percent

* * *

D: Rawr! I'm fierce! Fear me!

W: spare me from your terror!

D: just kidding i'm adorable

* * *

W: my grandma has a cat that likes to sit like a squirrel and eat spinach

D: my pet tiger would steal and hoard bottle caps.

W: …

* * *

W: what rock group has four men that don't sing

D: you got me. what.

W: Mount Rushmore.

D: dude

* * *

D: there are at least seventeen ways this could have gone better

D: Literally, like, I'm counting then right now you moron

W: Don't you type at me in that tone of voice.

* * *

W: Wth is Triskaedekaphobia

D: fear of the number thirteen

W: WOW lol

* * *

D: if someone gets nosy, just….you know….punch 'em.

W: punch em?

D: politely.

* * *

D: this is bad.

D: like seriously, this is bad

W: you said that already.

D: it seemed worth repeating

* * *

W: hey, say 'Irish wristwatch'

D: …

D: …

D: i hate you

* * *

D: dude

D: I just saw this article that was titled '5 reasons why you should be helping your wife clean house'. seriously.

W: how about 1. You live there. 2. you live there. 3. you live there. 4. you live there. and 5….you'll never guess what it is….YOU LIVE THERE

D: i know right lol

* * *

D: what do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

W: dunno, what

D: a condescending con descending

W: get out

* * *

D: look up shaved bears

W: dude

W: WHY

* * *

W: how much do souls cost?

W: i feel like we need to get one for Roy

* * *

W: well sledding off the roof was your idea, therefore this is your fault

D: if the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing stuff like this.

* * *

W: if shame burned calories, I'd be back to my birth weight by the end of the week.

D: no. two days.

* * *

D: we should invest in an army of llamas

W: why

D: 1. they spit. which is a great weapon against people

D: 2. We can ride them. also very useful for battle

D: 3. They're sassy and soft and we can put hats on them

W: lets do it

* * *

So I've been procrastinating my other stories that I need to add chapters to (We're Not a Couple, Lazy Days at the Circus - Or Not, etc), because this fic is kind of taking over my account...heh. whoopsie. I am going to slow down on this story, and continue others/write new ones!

Shoutout to NightOwlReader ! Thank ya darlin! And by the way, I've homeschooled since 4th grade, so totally know what you mean! Speaking from experience there, lol. Wasn't it awesome, hitting the amusement parks in the middle of the week when nobody is there?!

By the way, I am in serious need of some good Harry Potter Fanfiction! Like, Canon storylines and ships! any suggestions would be appreciated! Having HP withdrawals, lol help!


	22. Chapter 22

(Guest appearance from Roy)

R: so did both you guys make it back alive?

D: you say that with such hope

R: so is that a no?

W: surprise! not dead.

* * *

D: help I forgot how to do subjects/predicates

W: dude

W: its 4am and im not good at mental math

* * *

D: hey wally

D: wally

D: i got a blow torch for christmas

D: be very afraid

* * *

W: HEY

W: YOU DONT GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD,

W: THEN HANG UP AND NOT ANSWER THE PHONE FOR 7 HOURS

* * *

D: i mean i'm working on it. I can speak a little parseltongue, I'm okay at it and can do casual phrases like 'wheres the bathroom' and 'open the chamber of secrets'

D: i'm not bad at it but not exactly fluent

* * *

W: man if I got paid for every bad decision I've made I'd be so rich right now

D: ha

D: so what on the agenda tonight

W: the usual

W: try and take over the world

D: you know, personally, I'm thrilled that we met, for I feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing.

* * *

W: whatcha doin

D: bonding with Artemis. she's cool

D: we're plotting your demise

* * *

W: CALM DOWN

D: NO

D: i'm STICKY

D: STICKY I TELL YOU!

W: no one ever died from being sticky!

D: YA WELL THERES ALWAYS A FIRST TIME

* * *

D: Roy said no.

W: we can't come over? Why?

D: he said we are 'why we can't have nice things' given physical form.

W: rude.

* * *

D: i'm invoking the 'no judgement' clause of our friendship

W: what did you do

W: if you were to be baptized I feel like the water would start boiling around you

* * *

W: at the cave

W: come over, I made deep fried hot dogs

W: dont let me die alone

* * *

D: no but when you talk about us to people, don't use the words 'shenanigans' and 'apocolypse' in the same sentence

D: it gives people the wrong idea

* * *

D: I mean besides the fact that I got stabbed, I had a pretty good night

W: go back to sleep

* * *

D: half the bathroom is flooded, what happened last night

W: dude those meds you are on for your arm make you crazy,

W: you started crying because you didn't get to wear your alligator rain boots this week, so I turned the shower on and let you jump around in it

D: you're the best friend ever

* * *

W: can I borrow your computer

D: ya stay out of my search history

W: sure

-15 minutes later-

W: dude according to your search history you spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant

* * *

W: where are you

W: I hear fireworks and you've gone missing, Im sure this isn't a coincidence

* * *

W: Today in class this kid said he'd never seen Bill Nye the Science Guy so one girl yells 'YOU'VE NEVER SEEN BILL NYE?!' and in 5 seconds half the class was screaming 'HOW COULD YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN BILL NYE' while the other half including me was chanting 'BILL BILL BILL BILL'

D: ...Bill who?

W: DUDE NO

* * *

W: Just passed this poster at the bus stop that says 'Lucas knows what you did'

D: Lucas better keep his damn mouth shut

* * *

D: This is this cat

D: This is is cat

D: This is how cat

D:This is to cat

D: This is keep cat

D: This is an cat

D: This is idiot cat

D: This is busy cat

D: This is for cat

D: This is forty cat

D: This is seconds cat

D: Read that out loud

D:Now go back and read the THIRD word only in each line from the start

W: ...dude.

D: lol. sucker.

* * *

D: Roses are red

D: violets are blue

D: i made you this valentine's card

D: because THATS WHAT PEOPLE DO

* * *

W: cough syrup tastes like poison

D: I know

W: I just had 20 mm

W: im gonna die

W: R.I.P Wally West, beloved son, friend, and hero

W: it isn't even helping

W: ahhh its on my lips

W: it won't go away

D: bite your tongue so you taste blood instead

W: dude no

W: this is agonizing please help

W: send in reinforcements

W: I don't have much time left

W: i'm gonna eat pudding

W: mmm pudding makes everything better

* * *

W: I WAS IN THE SHOWER LISTENING TO THE RADIO AND TAYLOR CAME ON SO I TRIED TO TURN IT OFF BUT SLIPPED AND FELL AND THEN ALL I HEARD WAS 'and now i'm lying on the cold hard ground!'

W: SHES MORE EVIL THAN YOU ARE

D: *goat scream*

* * *

WHoo! At 399 reviews, who's gonna be the 400th reviewer?!

Shoutout to YJ and Batfam, who seems to have really really really liked this story (just reading between the lines here)! LOL booyah friend ;)

And thanks to Leaffeather2 (Julia and Anna) who sent in the cough syrup text for this chapter! (I tweaked it a little bit, but it's their baby) - so funny, thanks guys XD


	23. Chapter 23

(Special guest appearance from Roy)

R: why did you guys get me a shirt with a huge 'S' on it

W: it stands for 'sitter'. cause you've been our babysitter so much in the past.

D: originally we wanted to have the initials for 'baby sitter', but you can see why that wouldn't have worked out

* * *

D: how could you ever have thought that this was a good idea

W: well you agreed to it

D: still doesn't mean I thought it was a good idea

* * *

W: dude DUDE there a bobcat in the back of a truck at Walmart

D: pic or it didn't happen

W: *send pic of a bobcat in the back of a truck at Walmart*

D: wtf

W: he's friendly

* * *

D: i have an international reputation

D: do you have any international reputation

W: … yes

D: no you don't shut up

* * *

W: my mom just said in sudden realization that 'devil' is 'evil with a d'

W: she still doesn't get why I'm laughing so hard

* * *

D: so I can either bake these cookies at 400 degrees for 10 minutes, or 4,000 degrees for 1 minute

W: nO THATS NOT HOW YOU BAKE COOKIES

D: MORE?

W: DICK, NO

D: HOW ABOUT 4,000,000 DEGREES FOR 1 SECOND

W: yOU ARE GOING TO BURN YOUR HOUSE DOWN

D: IM GONNA HARNESS THE FREAKING SUN TO MAKE COOKIES

W: THIS IS WHY WE DONT HAVE NICE THINGS

* * *

D: I'd never want to be named bert,

D: because every time in your life you make decision, everyone would be like, 'are you sherbert'

* * *

D: I don't consider myself hip

D: I'm like, shoulder.

W: no, you're an ass.

* * *

D: if you're ever wearing all black and someone asks 'whos funeral is it'

D: just casually look around the room and say, 'haven't decided yet'

* * *

D: it's funny, I just looked at my receipt and I'm the 666th customer at this store

W: whats funny is how you think this is a coincidence

* * *

W: found a cute cat

W: he's nice

W: he's more ginger than i am

W: he just stole the jerky out of my pocket and ran off

D: lol.

W: shut up you probably put him up to this

* * *

W: HELLO FROM THE OUTSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDE

W: I MUST HAVE CALLED A THOUSAND TIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMES

D: you've called twice.

W: …

W: TO TELL YOU I'M SORRY, FOR EVERYTHING THAT I'VE DONE

W: BUT WHEN I CALL YOU NEEEVER, SEEM TO BE HOOOME

* * *

D: look man, all I remember are some really old donuts, a few hookers, and Courage the Cowardly Dog playing in another room

W: …I need that quote on the wall in my bedroom.

D: gosh i hate that show.

* * *

W: need to call in a favor. you owe me for the thing with the guy at the place

D: whats up

W: I owe the library 400 dollars. Need you to hack into their system and erase it from their digital records.

D: Done. but it might be in a paper records too. Will have to ninja my way in and check. Will call you in an hour when it's done.

* * *

D: i swear, I bleed more than the winchesters

W: how are you even alive

* * *

D: If you're reading this, you've been in a coma for almost 20 years. We're trying a new technique. We don't know where this message will end up in your dream, but we hope we're getting through. Please wake up

W: I swear I am going to hit you next time I see you

* * *

_Shoutout to FuzzyElf24 - by all means friend, troll away! let us know how it turns out, lol_

_Hope the last one didnt screw with you too much, haha...but in all seriousness, WAKE UP_


	24. Chapter 24

W: where did Roy go

D: either to get ice cream or commit a felony

W: 10 bucks says felony

D: 20

* * *

D: do NOT EVER SHOW OR MENTION THIS TO BLACK CANARY,

D: BUT LOOK UP 'GLOSTER CANARIES'

W: DUDE THEY HAVE BOWLCUTS

D: KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT ABOUT IT TO DINAH OR WE'RE DEAD

* * *

D: when people say 'you look so familiar', responding with 'were we in prison together?' is a great conversation killer

W: brilliant

D: in my case it 'did I know you in juvie?' but it still works

* * *

W: if I could time travel, I'd use it to go back and slap the guy who came up with the imaginary number 'i'

D: *tardis sound*

* * *

D: roses are red

D: pizza sauce is too

D: i ordered a large pizza

D: and none of it's for you

W: harsh dude.

D: LOL

* * *

D: No. BAD IDEA

W: IF NO ONE COMES FROM THE FUTURE TO STOP US FROM DOING IT THEN HOW BAD OF AN IDEA CAN IT REALLY BE

* * *

W: God said 'let there be light'

W: and then satan said 'let's put the alphabet in math'

* * *

W: whaaaat are you doing.

D: putting firecrackers inside bouncy balls then lighting them and throwing them in a busy park

W: ….and you didn't invite me.

* * *

D: dude HELP

D: laid is pronounced like paid but not said and said is pronounced like bread but not bead and bead is pronounced like lead but not lead

D: TEAR AND TIER ARE PRONOUNCED THE SAME BUT TEAR AND TEAR ARE PRONOUNCED DIFFERENTLY

D: LEAD RHYMES WITH READ, BUT LEAD ALSO RHYMES WITH READ

D: IF YOU REPLACE THE 'W' in 'WHERE', 'WHAT', and 'WHEN' with a 'T' YOU ANSWER THE QUESTION

W: are you okay

D: NO

* * *

W: obi-wan be like

W: 'train anakin' they said, 'it'll be fine' they said

* * *

W: THE PIZZA GUY DROPPED MY PIZZA

D: you better still give him a tip

W: dude the pizza now looks like the Millennium Falcon, I aint even mad

* * *

D: hey Finn was the first Stormtrooper to find the droid he was looking for

W: *round of applause*

* * *

D: Think of a number between 0 and 20. Add 32 to it. Multiply by 2. Subtract 1.

D: Now close your eyes

D: How long did you keep your eyes closed? bet it was dark. lol.

W: F.

W: U.

* * *

W: was at the store and this girl said to another one, 'you're ugly'

W: and the one looked at her and went, 'we're twins'

W: I lost it at that point

* * *

D: WERE YOU EVEN LISTENING AT ALL

W: IM NOT A BILLIONAIRE, I CANT AFFORD TO PAY ATTENTION

* * *

W: I need a pet to blame stuff on around the house

W: or a sibling

W: either one would work

* * *

W: greetings child

D: greetings

W: wtf

W: I said greetings child

W: I'm trying to say greetings child

W: H-I

W: wasssuuuup wat da hell did you do to my phone

W: H-E-Y , W-H-A-T did you do to my phone

W: Sexy beast

W: Sexy beast

D: lol are you okay

W: D-I-C-K

W: this isn't EFFIN HILARIOUS BRO

W: F-U-N-N-Y

D: it is on my end

W: bitch please tell me wat da hell is going on

W: P-L-E-A-S-E tell me W-H-A-T is going on

W: this is your doing isn't it, you messed with my keyboard shortcuts.

W: I thought we were frito stealing amigos

W: F-R-I-E-N-D-S

W: Mother forklift

W: i hope you're happy.

* * *

Shoutout to RainyDaysAreAwesome (Guest) - *bangs head on table*, lol, I'm extremely flattered, and for the record, that would be really fun. Booyah ;)

Its so awesome how many people got the Incredibles reference in last chapter - Who else is flipping the frickity frack out, totally excited for the Incredibles 2?! I have literally been waiting a decade for it.

I DID MY WAITING

10 YEARS OF IT

IN AZKABAN


	25. Chapter 25

W: so what are you doing tomorrow

D: dude, I don't even know what I'm doing right now

* * *

W: you're a really odd combination of 'really sweet' and 'i'll break your face if you get crossways with me'

D: awesome

* * *

W: dont give up on your dreams

W: go back to bed

* * *

D: I know the voices in my head arent real but their ideas are totally awesome

W: lol okay dude

D: but sometimes even I am afraid of the things my mind comes up with

W: I hear ya

* * *

D: I'm TIRED

D: (T)icked off

D: (I)rritated

D: (R)eady to punch something

D: (E)xtremely upset

D: (D)one

W: do you need a hug

D: ...

D: yes

* * *

D: on a certain level, Higgins from Magnum P.I. reminds me strongly of Alfred

W: omg you're totally right

* * *

D: wow I love rumors

D: I always find out amazing things about myself that I never knew

* * *

D: Outer space is only an hour's drive away if your car could drive straight up

W: thank god nobody ever told Harry and Ron this

* * *

W: hey Benedict Cumberbatch is playing Doctor Strange

D: Butterscotch Crumplebath

D: Bumblebee Candybatch

W: are we really doing this

D: Briarbush Crumblycake

W: why

D: Bumperstump Cabbagepatch

W: really?

D: Boilerdang Curdlesnoot

W: no

D: Bassdrop Crinklesnitch

D: Blendermix Wafflestick

D: Fragglerock Ampersand

W: thats

W: thats not even

D: Bandaid Chowderpants

W: bandaid

D: Pumpernickel Cumberbund

D: Bimplestitch Wonkypatch

W: if anyone asks i dont know you

D: Snickerdoodle Chittychitty-bangbang

W: seriosly?

D: Binglebangle Foofawomp

D: whats his real name again

* * *

W: A, B, C, it's easy as

D: 1, 2, 3

W: As simple as

D: Do, re, WILDCATS

W: you had one job.

* * *

D: I can carry on a very educated and mature conversation but sometimes I just forget where I'm going with it

W: fake it till you make it

W: if you can't blow them away with your brilliance, baffle them with your bs

* * *

W: where the heck did you go?!

D: hang on ive got like 20 missed calls and like 30 texts!

W: ya theyre from me!

W: I THOUGHT YOU WERE KIDNAPPED!  
D: I forgot my phone in the car so came out here to get it!

W: I've been going through every aisle in the store, yelling "DICK!" for the past 7 minutes!

* * *

D: while we were waiting for you, Roy and I played 20 questions

D: on the 15th question he asked if the object I thought of was in Space

D: I said yes

D: he asked if it was a planet

D: I said no

D: The thing I had thought of was Pluto

W: there are no words.

* * *

D: 1rd

D: 2st

D: 3nd

W: dont talk to me.

* * *

D: its so fun riding with Roy when he's driving; this isn't even half of the crap he's saying:

D: "Nice signal asshat!"

D: "pick a lane, fool,"

D: "Look at this moron. LOOK at this complete moron."

D: "Get a move on, Grandpa! No, wait, thats a lady."

D: "this guys is literally riding my ass. Pass me, idiot!"

D: "Is that a hooker? ya theres a hooker back there."

D: "Switch the station, this is the crap music Ollie likes."

D: "Isn't that the walmart you and Wally got banned from?"

D: "This jackass won't let me over; great, missed the exit."

D: "Wait was that a cop? Sh*t that's a cop."

D: "WHO are you texting?! you're always on your phone - why don't you do something useful with it and hack into Ollie's Amazon account, order a dildo and ship it to him or some sh*t like that."

W: priceless.

* * *

Shoutout to Amelia Loves Anime - thanks darlin!

The benedict cumberbatch thing was from this funny text convo I found on pinterest, lol

So we're at 25 chapters with this thing, I mean wow. This is getting out of hand, ha.


	26. Chapter 26

W: apparently the internet loves Roy's shoulders, and your ass

W: I feel left out

D: well modify your uniform

D: make it a two piece. Crop top like Artemis', show off your abs.

D: *catcall*

W: are you hitting on me?

D: you wish.

* * *

W: you could have let me in on why you kicked me for no reason earlier

D: and what is that reason

W: Kick a Ginger Day!

D: Ohhhh. Riiiight...slipped my mind

* * *

W: I'm in line and this like 20 year old guy ahead of me has this screaming kid, who's throwing everything in the cart at people

W: and he turns around and says to me with a painful expression, 'condoms, use condoms,'

* * *

D: wally

D: wally

D: hey

D: are you ignoring me

D: you're ignoring me aren't you

D: ...

D: hey i just met you

D: and this is crazy

D: but you know my number

D: so call me maybe

D: ...

D: Nodding your head, don't hear a word I said

D: Can't communicate, when you wait, don't relate

D: I try to talk to you but you never even knew

D: So what's it gonna be, tell me, can you hear me?

D: ...

D: Testing attention please

D: Feel the tension soon as someone mentions me

D: Here's my ten cents, my two cents is free

D: A nuisance, who sent, you sent for me?

D: ...

D: And I was like Baby, Baby, Baby

W: NO

D: HE SPEAKS

* * *

W: I'm having an existential crisis

W: 'W' is a is a play on 'double u', but it should be 'double v'!

W: LOOK. Two U's = UU

W: Two V's - VV

W: my life is a lie

* * *

D: got the ingredients to make the hugest motherpoppin bubbles ever

D: come over

* * *

W: ringpops used to be like 3 times bigger

W: baby bottle pops too

W: what the hell baby bottle pops, you shrank even more than ring pops

* * *

W: my grandmother's cat hates me. he takes the tacks from the bulletin board in her office and drops them in my shoes when I visit

D: have you tried spraying him with holy water

W: are you TRYING to get me killed by my grandmother's cat?!

D: just trying to be helpful.

D: fine. look just give him a shoe box as a peace offering.

* * *

W: I need cash. mail me a bunch of autographed pictures so I can sell them on ebay.

D: signed as Robin or Richard?  
W: gee, i wonder which one of those signs photos, and which one doesn't.

D: Richard it is then.

* * *

W: have you ever had something really weird happen to you?

W: like, so strange, there's no logical way to explain it?

D: ya.

D: you.

* * *

W: moron.

D: idiot.

W: wuss.

D: sissy

W: Mathlete nerd

D: Chemistry geek

W: your highness

D: Peasant

W: bitch

D: jerk

W: shorty

D: ginger

W: RUDE

* * *

W: dude why are my nails painted

D: because that was the prank.

W: no they are literally painted

D: yes I know, we both painted them

W: NO I DON'T MEAN THE NAILS YOU USE WITH A HAMMER THAT WE PAINTED FOR THE PRANK

W: YOU PAINTED MY ACTUAL FINGERNAILS

D: GEE WALLY OVERREACTING MUCH

W: you painted my fingernails 'Cross my heart pink', Im gonna KILL you

W: THIS IS YOUR DOING  
W: they don't even look good!  
D: I thought I did a good job

W: it's not coming off!

W: How do I get it off!?

D: you know I just remembered a thingy i forgot bye wally

W: OH NO YOU DONT

* * *

D: a squirrel stole my raspberry so I grabbed the acorn he dropped

D: now we're just staring at each other waiting for the next one to make a move

* * *

W: P.E. in Ten minutes

W: need to find some allies

W: the upperclassmen are gonna gang up

W: no way they're getting me

W: ooh I know these kids, gonna form some alliances brb

D: dude, calm down, it's P.E., not the Hunger Games

* * *

D: hey wally

D: wanna freak out your neighbors?

W: is that a question?

D: go rename your wifi 'FBI Surveillance Van 7'

* * *

W: so in chemistry today we pretty much spent the whole period pouring water on dry ice and cackling like mad scientists.

D: most everyone's mad here

* * *

D: at walmart I saw this guy who looked like Morgan Freeman

D: so I was staring at him and when he caught me he pointed and yelled 'I am not Morgan Freeman!'

* * *

D: come do the Lego Firewalk with me

W: go to hell dude lol

D: I am right now I just asked you to come with me are you coming or not

* * *

D: hey man why do grades go A, B, C, D, F?

D: wth happened to E?

* * *

W: My mom has taken me to her friends house. I'm bored.

W: Dick. Hello.

*Five minutes later*

W: NVM. These guys are Whovians. I can work with this

* * *

D: you wanna play the midnight game?

W: the what?

D: look it up.

W: ...

W: ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME

W: SLENDER WAS ONE THING, BUT ACTUALLY SUMMONING HIS FRIGGIN COUSIN IN REAL LIFE

D: so...is that a no?

* * *

W: NAAAAAAAAAH

W: SOWHENYAAAAAAA

W: GONNABUYMAPIZZABRAH

D: i see what you did there.

* * *

W: its 4 am and there a cat chillin on the bookshelf in our living room

W: we don't have a cat

* * *

(Special guest appearance from Roy)

W: hey Roy

R: what

D: remember that time you made us pancakes,

W: and the can of spray oil looked just like the can of lemon air freshener,

D: and you almost killed us

R: you just aren't gonna let that one go are you.

* * *

SHoutout to Emma Again - will totally check those stories out, and yes! I love supernatural! booyah XD

Credit for the whovians text goes to bunny456! thanks bunny! :)

This chapter wasn't as funny, sorry!

And by the way, DO NOT PLAY THE MIDNIGHT GAME

:)


	27. Chapter 27

W: just wanted to let you know

W: i love you more than pizza

W: ...don't tell pizza

* * *

D: hey

W: WHAT  
D: whoa, okay who put your tights in a twist

* * *

W: tried to put my grandmother's cat's face in bread

W: im bleeding

W: all the pictures are of fangs, torn bread, and blood

* * *

D: american flags cost $17.76 at Walmart

W: well played, walmart.

* * *

D: im gonna have Connor and M'gann play Slender

W: this is gonna be good.

* * *

D: its going to rain in 5...4...

D: 3

D: 2

W: b.s.

D: 1

W: ...what is this witchcraft

* * *

D: i am like Mjolnir

D: i only allow worthy people to pick me up

W: then that means I'm worthy

* * *

D: go put a mirror on some stairs outside

W: ...

W: dude 7 people have freaked out so far this is awesome

* * *

D: going to Australia next week

D: luckily I have perfected the language

W: don't come back until you've found 42 Wallaby Lane, Sydney.

* * *

W: so you are rich right

D: last time i checked

W: so why haven't you bought out a whole concert

W: and the artist comes out and you're just sitting there like, 'hey brah'

D: this is a valid point

W: also,

W: YOU ARE RICH

W: SO WHY HAVENT YOU HIRED TWO PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS AND HAVE THEM FOLLOW EACH OTHER

W: YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG

* * *

D: where are you?

W: down the street.

W: giving out free hugs for $1

* * *

D: when I was 6, I accidentally got Chuck drunk on rum and he swung around the circus with one of the throwing knives, hissing at everyone then mooned the lions

W: Chuck?

D: Chuckles the Chimp. We called him Chuck.

D: a real barrel of laughs, especially when drunk.

* * *

D: idiots

W: who?

D: whoever named the Sahara Desert.

D: 'Sahara' is the arabic word for 'deserts'

W: Desert Desert

D: furthermore,

D: 'Soviet' means union

W: ...Union Union

* * *

W: some of the best advice I've ever got was from my great uncle

W: who said 'forgive your enemy but remember the bastard's name'

* * *

D: gee wally thanks for the pop-up book of phobias what a great gift

D: i particularly loved the freakin POP UP SPIDER

W: glad you liked it

* * *

W: i hate it when i lose something and adults go 'i guess you didn't care about it enough'

W: and I'm like, 'you've lost me in a grocery store.'

* * *

W: Dick,

D: ya

W: those elephants at the zoo seemed strangely familiar with you

W: like really, familiar

D: they were just being friendly

W: they WAVED GOODBYE TO YOU

D: your point is...?

W: YOU'VE BEEN BREAKING INTO THE ZOO AT NIGHT TO VISIT THE ELEPHANTS HAVEN'T YOU

D: you have no evidence.

* * *

W: i hated in elementary when the teacher would say 'pat yourself on the back'

W: like, can we not

W: but if you didn't it looked like you were defying the teacher

W: when really you just felt like an idiot doing it

D: i have not experienced this phenomenon before.

* * *

D: no but one time when i was five we went to this place that had friggin fire ants, these things are nasty and their bites are miserable

D: so my legs have like 15 bites on them, and my mom makes puts baking soda in the bathwater cause apparently it helps

D: she sets the box on the ledge of the bathtub then steps out for a minute

D: I think its sugar, and dump half the box of baking soda into my mouth.

W: Lmao dude how are you even alive

* * *

W: lemme get this straight

W: you and roy got a flat tire,

W: and somehow set it on fire.

D: shut up.

* * *

D: im going crazy

D: you're riding shotgun, you coming or what?

* * *

W: why did you make a sculpture out of butter

D: its not butter, its cheese

W: i can't believe its not butter

* * *

D: microwave a highlighter

W: im not getting yelled at again by mom for doing science in the microwave

* * *

D: today for some reason this lady thought I was shoplifting in Walgreens

D: and I had to empty all my pockets...

D: do you see how this would be an issue

* * *

D: in buckingham palace

D: im lost

D: oops think i tripped an alarm

D: this place makes wayne manor look small

D: where is everyone

D: can i get some directions please?

D: tourguide pamphlet?

D: anything?

D: apparently not

D: at least they have hackable wifi

D: Bruce isn't answering

D: i could have been kidnapped you know

D: your mom may lose you in grocery stores, but Bruce loses me in Buckingham Palace.

* * *

Shoutout to anyone and everyone who got a laugh out of this story. Booyah, guys ;)

The fire ant story is a true story that happened to me when I was 5 and was in Texas. I hold a grudge against baking soda to this day.

;)


	28. Chapter 28

(Guest appearance from Roy)

R: don't do the thing

D: I'm gonna do the thing

W: no no do not do the thing

D: ...

R: why the hell did you do the thing?!

W: I thought we told you not to do the thing

* * *

W: why are blonde jokes so short

D: so men can remember them

W: ...that took an unexpected turn

D: not if you'd just asked for directions

* * *

D: 'Scotland's National Animal'.

D: Google it.

* * *

W: helloooooo

W: dude are you in detention again?

D: shut up.

W: what did you do?

D: got in trouble for accidentally kicking the ceiling.

* * *

W: current mood...

W: John Marshall having a misadventure in the Library of Congress

D: wth man.

* * *

W: I have concluded that you are temperamental...

W: half temper, half mental

* * *

W: just don't do anything to get in trouble

D: the problem with trouble is it starts out as fun

W: please.

D: I'll try.

* * *

W: MOM ASKED ME TO GET HER PURSE SHE LEFT IN THE BATHROOM SO I GO IN THERE AND AUNT IRIS WAS HIDING IN THE SHOWER WITH A JAR JAR BINKS MASK ON AND A BUTCHER KNIFE AND CHASED ME DOWN THE HALLWAY SHE SCARED THE LIVING HELL OUT OF ME

D: so thats why she wanted my jar jar mask. Lol

W: I HATE YOU

* * *

W: my grandmother's cat facetimed me from their laptop.

D: i warned you to use the holy water

* * *

W: seriously man, why'd you eat all the chocolate

D: I only did it because of the dementors...

* * *

D: The Force Awakens...

D: If the Force is anything like me when it awakens, it's gonna need five more minutes

* * *

D: im dead on my feet

D: this kid in class sneezed earlier, and i was so tired that instead of 'bless you' I said 'goodnight'

* * *

W: fire at will!

D: where's Will?

* * *

W: Vader be like,

W: HELLO FROM THE DARK SIIIIIIIIIIIDDEE

* * *

D: *sends picture of stop sign*

D: *sends picture of hammer*

D: *sends picture of clock*

W: what?

W: i don't get it

W: stop sign, hammer, clock?

W: octagon, thor, time?

W: Stop, nail, time?

W: OH

W: I GOT IT

W: STOP, HAMMER TIME

D: now I know why roy was the one they called Speedy

* * *

W: I'm a Nillionaire!

W: I have little to no money

D: what are you trying to say

W: can i have your xbox

D: no

* * *

W: still don't get the whole phobia you have with spiders

D: its not a phobia I just don't like them.

W: dude the spiders are a hundred times smaller than you

D: ya, so is a freakin grenade

* * *

W: my ceiling fan has 3 settings.

W: 1. barely moving, just stirring up dust at best, 2. Kinda feels like it's working, and 3. It's gonna fly off the wall and kill someone in a freak ceiling fan accident

D: we don't have ceiling fans, there's no room next to the chandeliers.

W: would you please shut up

* * *

D: you are I are more than friends

D: we're like a really small gang

* * *

W: you know the song Good Feeling by Flo Rida

D: ya

W: they should totally do a star wars parody of that called 'Bad Feeling' Lol

* * *

W: so...volleyball, right

D: ya, so?

W: pretty much 'don't let the balloon touch the floor' on steroids

D: pretty much.

* * *

D: did it ever bother you how murderous the mermaids on Peter Pan are

W: No, I was busy trying to figure out how they managed to make their hair stay just so...I mean, it's like they glued it down.

D: what?

W: while Ariel had a seashell bra, several of the Peter Pan mermaids did not.

D: geez wally.

* * *

D: so...Barry and Aunt Iris are gone?

W: yep.

D: for what. 4 or 5 hours?

W: yep.

D: ...i have an awesome idea, you game?

W: maybe.

D: let's inflate a hot air balloon in the house

W: ...I'm game.

* * *

W: this one relative at the family reunion was going on and on about halloween and how it is the day of the devil

D: wow a whole day just for me?

* * *

W: *sends picture of a foot long lead pencil*

W: look what I have

D: is it a number 2?

D: every time before a test when the teacher says 'get out your number two pencil', take it out and scream 'ME HO MENOY!'

* * *

W: Hey Dick, now that princess Leia is a Disney princess they should totally build her a castle at disney world but it should just be a huge pile of burnt debris

W: you better be laughing cause that shiz is funny

D: yeah, for Alderaan reasons.

W: oh, that's just bad.

D: is it? maybe we should just saber this for a moment

* * *

Aha gotta love tumblr. And shoutout to Burreto! Wow thats awesome I got to shout out a burrito XD booyah!

Anyway, the Gotham City Police Department is outside my door, this is what they're saying..."This is the GCPD come out of the building with your hands in the air and put whatever you've been writing fanfiction on at your feet! You are under arrest for multiple charges of murder by laughter!"

This must be a result of the last few stories I posted...so ya, I'm on the run from law, and to make matters worse, we're having engine problems with the crazy plane...I didn't do a engine check so now the take off is being delayed, sorry to everyone on board :/

Anyone here a mechanic? Lol

And apparently I might be creating somewhat of a cult following...what I mean is, I've got someone praying to me, according to their review (I laughed till I cried when I read that one)

Oh geez, I'm shocked, actually, at how many of you guys read my author's note, its basically just the ramblings of an idiot!


	29. Chapter 29

W: Can I just like barge into the room, throw him to the ground, pin him down for like three seconds, collect my lightweight championship trophy, and run out yelling like a madman?

D: lol sure

W: Alrighty then... see you in the news

* * *

W: its so funny.

D: what is

W: you. Your acquaintances are all like, 'you're sweet,' but me and Roy laugh and are like, 'you're a terrible person, it's hilarious.'

* * *

W: why are microwave minutes longer than regular minutes

W: they're micro, they should be smaller

* * *

W: are you done bedazzling the elevator

D: thats such a fun word

D: yes, it's been well and truly bedazzled

* * *

W: so are we gonna break into roy's apartment tonight or what

D: ya, but he has company so we need to be quiet

W: so...

D: ninja mode activated

* * *

D: I was born at an incredibly young age

W: I just said that to Roy and he threatened to kick me out of the car.

* * *

W: instead of 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' I think 'what doesn't kill you will likely try again' is more appropriate

D: more like 'what doesn't kill me had better start running'.

* * *

W: in today's saga of Me vs My Grandmother's Cat:

W: the cat has started carrying around butcher knives when I'm in the same room as it.

D: dude, what is it with you and your grandmother's cat.

* * *

W: mom just left me in the checkout line while she grabbed the milk

W: why am I panicking

W: she didn't leave me the money to pay,

W: the line is moving faster

W: dude im next

W: wth, did she go to Iowa for that milk?!

W: the cashier is checking out our stuff now, what do I do?!

W: I am sweating why I am sweating

W: and now I'm swearing

W: I SEE HER, THANK THE POWERS THAT BE

D: well this was entertaining.

W: shut up

* * *

D: today at school the teacher was talking about Vatican City, so Babs and I gave each other 'the look' and shouted 'VATICAN CAMEOS'

W: awesome.

D: three people ducked under their desks.

* * *

D: the pledge of allegiance is so weird. like, every day as a kid you guys chant how great america is every morning...kinda creepy.

W: wait, other countries don't do that?

D: dude, no.

* * *

D: GET ROY AND COME OVER NOW I AM PUTTING BUBBLE BATH IN THE HOT TUB

W: OMG WAIT FOR US

* * *

W: obtuse

W: rubber goose

W: green moose

W: guava juice

W: giant snake

W: Birthday cake

W: Large Fries!

W: CHOCOLATE SHAKE  
D: ...I don't understand that reference

W: ...did you have tv as a kid?

D: no.

* * *

W: I just found my mom's fake ID from college

W: and Aunt Iris's...

D: funny, right? never pegged Iris as a 'Chanel Landy'

W: wtf dude!

* * *

W: so you're ignoring me now? I can see that is says you read my text.

D: I just fell off a roof so I'm kinda chillin for a minute

* * *

D: ugh

D: if cleanliness is next to godliness then your room must be a portal to hell

* * *

W: why did you buy a bunch of those stick figure decals?

D: I'm gonna randomly add family members to the windows of unattended vehicles.

W: ...and you didn't invite me.

* * *

W: just...NO.  
W: I overheard Aunt iris tell a friend that the solution to a bad hair day is to wear a low cut blouse

W: please, JUST...NO

* * *

D: good morning world!  
W: I see our little ray of sarcastic sunshine has arrived

* * *

D: its amazing how with each day, we continue to discover new and creative ways to irritate the hell out of each other.

W: I swear, cameras really should follow us around. we'd make a great reality show

* * *

W: but when will you be back?!

W: these 9 days have felt like an eternityyyy

W: I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet.

W: and you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be

* * *

W: answer me one thing:

W: WHY.

D: I meant to behave but there were too many other options

* * *

W: just relax and accept the crazy.

D: fine, we'll compromise. I'll get my way and you'll find a way to be okay with that.

* * *

W: I'm like Hagrid when around little kids.

W: "I shouldn't have said that. Should NOT have said that !"

* * *

D: According to WebMD, I'm probably dying

W: I just sneezed. According to WebMD, I'm probably dying too.

* * *

W: how are you feeling?

D: shattered dignity aside...not bad.

W: you almost set me on fire last night.

D: you probably deserved it

* * *

CRAZY PLANE FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT: CHBNewRomeHogwartsBerk, cutie0612 and I were able to get the engine going - thanks for the advice and help guys, but CHBNewRomeHogwartsBerk? Your plan worked brilliantly, except we forgot Spiderman on the tarmac...I'm not sure how he feels about this. Kinda worries me.

And could someone bring Envoy some peanuts? and maybe a bandaid? lol

And I hate to bring this up cause it's kind of awkward, but , um...did you guys get your parents permission to come onto the crazy plane? Cause if not, then you stowed away, and they're totally going to blame me for that. And if I get yelled at by your mom, I'm gonna yell at you. Or perhaps I should just remind you that this flight has no parachutes or oxygen masks...we took off 5 minutes ago...and I'm piloting.

According to 'YJ . and . Batfam's . Firecracker' , the authorities are hot on my tail, so that makes everyone on my flight... accomplices XD Ahaha, suckers. I wonder if they'll put out a reward out for my capture? It's up to 'YJ . and . Batfam's . Firecracker' to keep me updated on the whole fugitive thing. You guys better not snitch on me.

Damn and double damn. I recently read 3 or 4 Young Justice and Justice League crossovers that were SO GOOD, but NONE of them were finished, or updated in a long time! The risks of reading fanfiction, I suppose. Guess I'm guilty with this for one of my stories too...my discontinued one. Discontinued...heh, not for long, if you get my drift.

Oh btw, if this story reaches 666 reviews, I will develop superpowers.

I guess I really didn't realize how much the ramblings of an idiot mattered to you guys, haha.

To Percy James Frost and beth (guest): I am so glad this story was able to make you laugh, and help you through some tough times; I hope it keeps making you smile in the future. You guys are wonderful, remember to always keep fighting ;)

Shoutout to Ladnik, who sent in the (slightly modified) first text! Thx and booyah XD


	30. Chapter 30

(Special Guest appearances from Roy)

R: I don't care how hungry or impatient you are, the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it apart again to add power.

D: ya Wally. this isn't the Enterprise

R: and no more science in the microwave.

D: ... not even highlighters?

W: but roy,

W: SCIENCE

* * *

W: according to Roy, you and I go together like drunk and disorderly

D: that leaves the question of which one of us is 'drunk', and which one of us is 'disorderly'

W: ...this must be given serious thought. meet me at the cave and we'll discuss it. bring snacks.

* * *

W: I just prefer to not be at the receiving end of the bat-glare

D: been there, done that. Then been there a thousand more times because apparently i never learn

* * *

W: singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth

D: then it becomes a soap opera

W: dude.

* * *

W: you're mean.

D: you know what they say: If you can't say something nice...

D: say something witty and sarcastic

* * *

W: sup bro

D: just sitting here on the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity

* * *

D: listen to me and listen to me closely

D: girls who can run in heels should be feared

D: do not underestimate them

* * *

W: I am certain that some days even the devil sits back and admires your work

D: I don't know what you're talking about, I'm 99% angel

W: but that one percent though...

* * *

D: i just spelled a word so wrong that even auto correct gave up on me

W: hey you know a word in the english language that is always spelled wrong?

W: wrong.

* * *

W: i would eat healthy but then remember 1 time when Adam and Eve ate an apple and doomed all of humanity so i dunno, better not risk it

D: well thats one excuse.

* * *

D: personally I think romeo and juliet could have handled the situation better.

W: a lot of people say that about us and the feline incident

D: do not bring it up

* * *

D: I am currently unsupervised

W: oh no

D: I know, it freaks me out too

D: the possibilities are endless

* * *

W: my itunes isn't working

D: I know, it has it all wrong

D: the hottest single of the year is me

* * *

D: the pollen levels are so high this year that the crackheads are trying to convert their meth back into sudafed

W: pfft. smartass.

D: I'm not a smartass, I am a skilled, trained professional in pointing out the obvious and I speak fluent sarcasm

W: do you always have to be sarcastic

D: Me?

D: Sarcastic?

D: Never.

W: Congratulations, in the School of Life you've majored in Sarcasm with a minor in Smart Ass

* * *

D: Asking other people's names is weird.

W: how so?

D: It's basically asking, 'What noise should I make to get your attention?

* * *

D: awwwww

D: my middle finger likes you!

W: hey, I was wondering how you comb your hair so the horns don't show

* * *

W: I can rise and shine, just not at the same time

W: oh hey, you're here! im in the living room

D: listen

D: I'm just here to establish an alibi

* * *

W: EXPLAIN. NOW.

D: I didn't do it!

W: *sends picture*

D: oh wait THAT...

D: yes I did do THAT...

D: in my defense I was left unsupervised

* * *

W: look, right now I don't have the time or crayons to explain myself to you

D: I was hoping for a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.

* * *

D: I'm fine

W: you don't look 'fine'

D: then stop looking

W: ... okay whats going on

D: nothing, everythings fine, im just on 500 mgs of Phukitol.

* * *

D: life is too short to be serious all the time

D: if you can't laugh at yourself, call me... and I'll laugh at you

* * *

W: thats a horrible idea

W: what time?

* * *

D: i dig, you dig, we dig, he dig, she dig, they dig...

D: its not a very pretty poem, but its very deep

* * *

(Another Special Guest appearance from Roy)

R: I'll call u later, okay? I gotta pick up those jackasses

W: wrong persons Roy

R: oh sorry

D: ... are we 'those jackasses'?

R: yes.

* * *

The Crazy Plane is making a quick landing so that we can pick up everyone who didn't get on the first time...we'll be stopping in Albany Oregon to grab RainyDaysAreAwesome, so everyone else who wants to board - be there! Brilliant use of a Sherlock reference, RainyDays. And bring extra firecrackers. Adrianna Agray pointed out that we might very well have a traitor on board who's gonna rat me out...alright, who is it! Oh, and Adri, hop on in Oregon! Help us find the rat...

Iron Robin - feel free to hop on in Oregon, and bring a sanity parachute along ;) Thank goodness we have Romanian Robbie to help us avoid the League (I've heard Batman's onto us...) , I'm starting to get nervous, heh. And cutie0612 , by all means, bring bombs if you want. This isnt called the 'Crazy Plane' for nothing...

Thanks Firecracker, we'll stay in the U.S for now, but if the League sets after us, will flee to Canada!

Shoutout to ZapWBolt ! Ahh Im so happy this story helped recruit you into the fandom! That is totally asterous XD

The 'asking people's name' text was sent in from CHBNewRomeHogwartsBerk, thanks darlin! Hey, are the engines whining a little bit or is it just me? Hope we can make it to Oregon...guess we're all Stayin Alive, Stayin Alive, ah ah ah ah! Stayin aliiiiiiiiiiiive (you get my drift lol)

Guest of Honor - I'm thrilled that you're staying with us, you wanna come help me pilot?!

lmBH (guest) - I hope this story is able to keep making a difference in your life, I'll sure keep giving it my best - it means the world to me that it means so much to you

Booyah everyone,

R98 out


	31. Chapter 31

( Special guest...you know what, screw it - you guys know who the 'R' stands for.)

R: I need something thats more than coffee but less than cocaine

W: Lmao

D: Lol are you okay Roy

D: do you need us to come over

R: im not that desperate

W: yet.

* * *

D: I wish my life had background music so I knew when the heck I'm about to be kidnapped or shot

W: or for when I'm about to be slapped by a girl

D: or for when I'm about to slap you

W: ya, both

* * *

W: Artemis is being incredibly ambitchous today, more so than usual

D: ...that wasn't a typo, was it

W: no, it wasnt.

* * *

D: ya, you're the thinker!

D: listen genius, shut up and get your crap together, we're illegally bungee jumping among other things tonight

W: you're just a sarcastic little ray of sunshine mixed with a hurricane.

D: as far as I know, I'm delightful

* * *

W: I don't understand your specific kind of crazy but I do admire your total commitment to it

D: all the fun people are the dedicated crazy ones

D: you're welcome

* * *

W: why were you shy earlier?

D: I wasn't being shy, I was holding back my awesomeness so I wouldn't intimidate them.

* * *

W: why are you SO EASILY DISTRACTED by shiny objects

D: don't judge what you don't understand

* * *

D: you alright?

W: I guess

D: its okay, you're just at that awkward stage between birth and death

W: ...gee, thanks

* * *

D: you're stuck being my best friend forever whether you like it or not because at this point you know way too much.

W: fair enough

* * *

D: the next sentence is true

D: the previous sentence is false

W: I...I cant...

W: IT DOES NOT COMPUTE

* * *

D: see if you can actually get Roy to kick you out of the car next time

D: shouldn't be hard for you

W: fine.

W: any suggestions?

D: tell him 'As strange as it might seem, my life is based on a true story', and then just randomly make computer beeping and blipping noises when it gets quiet

W: that'll do it.

* * *

D: *sends picture*

D: is this a praying mantis?

W: Yes.

W: Don't have sex with it, it will eat you afterwards.

D: good call. it was looking at me all seductive like

W: thats how they get you

* * *

W: I hate you

W: you hate me

W: let's go out and kill barney

W: with a baseball bat and a 4 by 4

W: NO MORE PURPLE DINOSAUR

D: as a vigilante I cannot condone this violence

W: have you ever watched Barney?

D: no.

W: DON'T JUDGE WHAT YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND

* * *

W: im gay

W: im not gay Roy took my phone

* * *

W: seriously man, my nose.

D: when you tickle me I am not responsible for your injuries

* * *

W: hey call me back

W: i think i got it

W: but just in case, tell me the whole thing again

W: i wasn't listening

* * *

W: only 2% of the world has red hair

D: so basically you're a majestic unicorn.

* * *

D: I'm great at multitasking,

D: I can make roy mad, insult you, and amuse myself all at the same time

W: well, you're not wrong.

* * *

D: were you ever able to angrily say bubbles

W: my mom just came in and checked on me

D: were you trying to angrily yell 'bubbles' ?

W: maybe.

* * *

D: I have this untested theory that an apple a day will keep anyone away if you throw it hard enough

W: we could test it on Roy

D: ya, we could test it on Roy

* * *

D: In case of emergency, don't break glass, break DANCE

W: this is why our parents insist on us having adult supervision.

* * *

W: What do you mean you 'accidentally pick-pocketed the president of the United States'?!

D: I didn't do it on purpose! I don't have to explain myself to you

W: Course not, just save it.

W: for when you'll be doing the explaining to the president

* * *

D: if anyone, ANYONE, asks, I've been with you and Roy at his place for the past 2 hours, okay

W: what?

D: OKAY!?

W: Alright, got it!

* * *

D: Morning checklist, go!

W: Clothed?

D: check!

W: Cookies?

D: check!

W: Homework?

D: check!

W: Utility belt?

D: check!

W: Sanity?

D: ...sanity? Sanity?!

W: Aaaand we have a runner!

* * *

Shoutout to Aprotny! Haha, booyah mate, see you in Oregon!

With the Guest of Honor co-piloting with me, we'll be making stops at Oregon, Montana, Iowa, Canada, the UK, South Africa, and Antarctica...well that escalated quickly O.O And anyone else who wants to board, I'll pick you up at the corner of Awesome and Bombdiggity ;)

I agree with Iron Robin, we should totally put an ocean between us and the U.S. - cutie0612 has got the arsenal covered, thanks darlin, you're priceless. Don't worry about fuel, this plane runs on insanity (we'll never run out, Lol). Adrianna Agray is providing an awesome robot, and spiderman (why not bring deadpool too?!). Our wifi is totally secure, and I didn't think far enough ahead for meals, so we're basically all stuck with breaded cheesesticks, shrimp sushi, and cheerios. Oh and Adri - you can bring your pets! Everyone, bring your pets! Especially if you have a talking bird!

Isn't it awesome how in the category of Cartoons on this website, Young Justice is the 7th most popular?! Let's take our rightful place at throne and be number 1 most popular...

I truly wonder how many times the writers of the show have clicked on the Young Justice fanfiction archive. Surely at least once out of curiosity, right?

31 chapters. This is NUTS


	32. Chapter 32

W: WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?!  
D: as a disney kid, I know for a fact that the fox says 'Oo-De-Lally'

* * *

W: this is a terrible, horrible, incredibly foolish idea

D: lets do it and see what happens

* * *

D: how to twerk:

W: wtf

D: step 1: Don't.

* * *

W: I will get all of these groceries into the house in one trip even if it kills me

D: you're going to dislocate your shoulders

W: it matters not

* * *

W: my baaaad

D: that is not a proper apology

W: 'I'm sorry' and 'my bad' mean the same thing

D: unless you're at a funeral.

W: ...

* * *

W: how much do you weigh?

D: one hundred and sexy

* * *

D: the chains on my mood swing just snapped

D: run

* * *

W: what do you call a group of kids?

D: according to Bruce, a migraine.

* * *

W: my room isn't messy...

W: it's just an obstacle course designed to keep me fit.

D: is that why you didn't answer my call

W: actually I took too long to answer and ended up missing it cause I was jamming out to the ringtone

* * *

W: I don't like salad

W: or eye contact

W: they both make me uncomfortable

D: ...salad makes you uncomfortable?

W: yes.

* * *

W: we might have a crisis I dunno for sure yet

D: No, we can't have a crisis, my schedule is already full

* * *

D: how the heck am I supposed to explain this?!

W: ...aliens?

D: ...then it sounds like I'm blaming M'gann or Connor!

* * *

W: there is a snake in my tent

D: isn't camping great?  
W: there is a literal SNAKE IN MY TENT

* * *

D: Go with the blue sweater, you're even prettier than usual in it

W: I know right

D: shut up I mean to send that to Babs

* * *

W: so...chickens can float. Or swim?

W: they're buoyant.

W: this is so weird

* * *

W: you kidnapped me!

D: only for a little bit...

W: I can't believe you kidnapped me!

D: well you weren't cooperating, what else was I supposed to do?!

* * *

D: Small fire! I said to set a small fire!

D: this is not small!

* * *

D: I taught you how to pick locks and this is how you're using that skill?

D: don't you have to be stupid somewhere else?

W: not until 4.

* * *

D: so whats the plan?

W: my plan was to follow your plan!

* * *

D: how to be seductive: head tilt, hooded eyes, raised eyebrow, little smirk

D: how to be evil: head tilt, hooded eyes, raised eyebrow, little smirk

W: I can see how this is a problem

* * *

W: according to my teacher, in English, a double negative forms a positive. However, in some languages, a double negative remains a negative. But there isn't a single language, not one, in which a double positive can express a negative.

D: Yeah, right.

W: ...

* * *

D: uuuughhhh a whole 2 weeks of studying Romeo and Juliet, kill me now.

W: benvolio!

W: is the day so young?

D: it's 9.

W: ay me! sad hours seem long!

D: k

W: aren't you going to ask why I'm sad?

* * *

W: just go on tumblr and you'll get everything you need for Romeo and Juliet

D: What light. So breaks. Such east. Very sun. Wow, Juliet.

D: What Romeo. Such why. Very rose. Still rose.

D: Very balcony. Such climb

D: Much love. So propose. Wow, marriage

D: Very Tybalt. Much stab. What do?

D: Such exile. Very mantua. Much sad.

D: So, priest? Much sleeping. Wow, tomb.

D: Much sad! Wow, Juliet! Such death! Very suicide

W: there you go. there's your assignment to turn in.

* * *

W: I am roasting, why is it so hot

D: Romeo and Juliet act 2 scene 5 line 176: "You are too hot."

W: hot damn

W: make a playwright want to retire man

D: stop. Wait a minute. fill my cup put some poison in it

D: Take a sip, fake your death,

D: Juliet! Exit left!

* * *

Looks like the Crazy Plane will be stopping in Arizona, Hong Kong, and Germany - we are doing some serious globe trotting! Shoulda brought some basketbal...hey! bunny456! Quit eating all the cookies! You - no way. You ate them all, but left the oatmeal raisin cookies...how could you?! I thought we were friends! Well now you get to pick all the raisins out of the remaining cookies so that they are at least edible. *sigh*

Okay well I just made a bet with my co-pilot that she couldn't pull of the corkscrew maneuver, and from the look on her face she's gonna either pull it off or end up killing us all from trying, so...fasten your seatbelts. Hope you guys don't easily get airsick, cause things are about to escalate quickly XD

Curious Me - if you wanna sign up, totally go for it!

Shoutout to Kikkiyoshi-Star! Well I hope this chapter lived up to your anticipation!


	33. Chapter 33

R: why is wally bleeding

D: because he's an idiot

R: I didn't know that idiocy caused people to just start spontaneously bleeding from the nose

D: I think it's a new phenomenon

W: I'm still here you know.

* * *

D: I just replaced the cans of air freshners in Roy's apartment with air horns

W: and now we wait

* * *

W: I can feel you judging me

D: it's what I do

D: it's a hobby

* * *

D: the opposite of office is onfire

W: okay

* * *

D: I got him.

W: Who?

D: Could you bring the bullets, i didn't bring a bag.

W: WHAT!

D: Oh sorry, that was meant for someone else.

W: But-WHAT!

D: I was talking to Roy about bringing Kal so we could have a nerf battle at the park.

W: Oh you had me worried there for a second.

* * *

D: hey, remember the Shakespeare code?

W: that doctor who episode? Yeah, why?

D: remember when the doctor was talking about how he cried after reading book seven of Harry potter? W: yeah

D: I figured out why he cried

W: why?

D: because Hermione's daughter's name was Rose!

W: DUDE

* * *

D: the year is 2020

D: everyone has perfect vision

* * *

D: I just yawned so hard I think my soul left my body

W: there was a soul in there?

* * *

W: uuuhhn

W: whaa?

W: why m i in hospital

W: what s the wifi password

* * *

D: I need to ask you something and I want you to be totally honest with me, it might be awkward after this but I have to know, I have kept this in for a long while and its about time I was straight up and just confront you about it. I hope this doesn't ruin the friendship we have. I just need to know and I cant see any other way to get around this, it just doesnt seem fair on me if I don't get an answer. I want you to tell me truthfully, no matter what it is, I just need your honesty...

D: do you know the muffin man?

W: ...

W: shove it where the sun don't shine.

D: is that a no?

* * *

D: knock knock

W: whos there

D: Yah

W: Yah who?

D: Nah bro, I prefer google

* * *

W: goodnight, don't let the demons drag you into hell and devour your soul :)

D: dammit Wally, Bruce saw that

* * *

D: If Carly Rae Jepson dropped her phone in a pool again how will we call her maybe

W: we have to borrow maroon 5's payphone

D: but what if Cee Lo Green says the change in our pockets isn't enough

W: we can borrow money from Travie McCoy, he's a billionare

D: yeah, and if have extra money we can pop tags with Macklemore

* * *

W: Roy hit a bunny :/

D: oh no...easter is cancelled, tell roy thanks a lot

D: here comes peter cottontail, hopping down the bunny trail, hippity hoppity OH NO here comes Roy *SPLAT*

* * *

W: COMING SOON (speakers blow out)

W: TO OWN ON DVD (scrambles for the remote)

W: AND VIDEO CASSETE (atomic bomb explodes in living room)

D: the good old days

* * *

D: listen

D: Im the brains of this operation,

D: and I say that we are in SERIOUS trouble!

* * *

W: You didn't seriously...?

D: Yep.

W: you just...?

D: yep.

W: does that mean...?

D: quite probably.

* * *

W: ...how long have you been standing there?

D: longer than you'd like.

* * *

D: did you turn out the lights?

W: no

D: then we have a problem

* * *

W: my shin is bruised.

D: well if you'd woken up properly the first time I kicked you, I wouldn't have had to do it 4 more times

* * *

D: hey

D: theres a closet inside my closet

D: There is a passageway inside the closet's closet

D: ...would you like to join me in a possible adventure

W: DEAR HEAVENS YES

* * *

W: Compliment me

D: you don't suck

* * *

We've started Arrow (me and my sibs) and I've just been like, 'HALF OF THESE PEOPLE ARE FROM SUPERNATURAL', and then the lady who voices Cheshire appeared and spoke, therefore I started shouting 'CHESHIRRRRRE!' and couldn't stop freaking out cause come on...CHESHIRE!

(Slightly modified) Bullet text was sent in by twisty slinky, and the Doctor who text was sent in by Thats Terrible (guest) - thanks guys ;)

I feel like the Crazy Plane might be lacking in entertainment, so here's the deal. We're gonna do our own play of Romeo and Juliet (scribbled. ink directs it), and there is no dialogue to memorize - we're all just gonna ab lib the whole thing. Now that's entertainment.

Guess we're stopping in Virginia and Australia next! However, going over a large body of water might be a bad idea; I can barely function, let alone pilot after last night's Supernatural episode...I have a Crazy boat we can swim to just in case we go down over an ocean, but I get seasick so let's try and avoid that.

Fare Thee Well,

*gross sobbing over Supernatural while I sit in the cockpit*


	34. Chapter 34

W: woke up early

W: there was no worm

W: LIES

W: my life is made of LIES

* * *

W: so we just got a new sofa from The Sofa King

W: its so fluffy this is awesome

D: I guess you could say you're 'Sofa King happy'

W: *dead*

* * *

D: why did Adele cross the road?

D: to say hello from the other side

* * *

W: how would you describe finishing the school year

D: WE'RE DEAD

D: WE'RE DEAD

D: WE SURVIVED BUT WE'RE DEAAAAD

* * *

D: the call disconnected, are you okay?!

W: NO

W: ITS WAS A FREAKING ELECTRIC FENCE

* * *

D: I have been cursing in ice cream flavors, Bruce just told me to stop

W: how to you curse in ice cream flavors

D: what the mint chocolate chip did he say about me

D: I'll kick his rocky road and then punch the ever loving strawberry cheesecake out of him

W: that was beautiful

* * *

W: what if you hit your alarm clock one morning and it hits you back

D: that would be alarming

* * *

D; hands up if you didn't get enough sleep last night!

W: *Violently throws hands up towards the heavens*

* * *

W: friendship is so weird

D: I know, but I am curious to your personal reasons

W: you just pick a human you've met and you're like "yep, I like this one" and you just do stuff with them

D: awesome stuff though.

W: ya pretty awesome stuff

* * *

D: i've lost my mind

W: you are clearly making no effort to look for it

D: you could help

W: nah

* * *

D: okay so lets say 'what doesn't kill you' actually makes you stronger. whatever.

D: I will be expecting my superpowers and new cape any day now

* * *

D: whoever is in charge of making sure I don't do stupid things is FIRED

W: I'll let roy know.

* * *

D: why is it when my phone falls, I panic, but when you fall, I laugh

W: its because you're a 'fun sized' satan.

* * *

D: I just stepped on a corn flake

D: now I am officially a cereal killer

* * *

D: I've decided to cut back on being sarcastic

W: really.

D: I solemnly swear to only be sarcastic on days that begin with a T, like Tuesday, Thursday...

D: and Today and Tomorrow

D: XD

* * *

W: so i've been calling in sick to places I don't even work at

D: hilarious.

* * *

W: An American invades foreign land, kills local leadership, struggles to find exit strategy

D: what?

W: it's a movie

D: oh sounds cool lets watch it what movie

W: The Wizard of Oz

D: I'm gonna stab you with a rusty fork.

* * *

W: hang on mom wants me to vacuum my room

W: I just youtubed a vacuum sound on my computer so its playing while here I am lying on my bed texting you

* * *

D: type something with your forehead then send it and I'll try and decipher it

W: About three things I was absolutely positive. First, Edward was a vampire. Second, there was a part of him-and I don't know how dominant that part might be-that thirsted for my blood. And third, I was unconditionally, and irrevocably in love with him.

D: how the heck do you expect me to make heads or tails of that complete gibberish.

* * *

D: everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards

W: I have seen the light

* * *

D: what's my name

W: F-R-A-N-C-I-S

* * *

D: I can say the alphabet backwards

W: you need to be contained. no one should have that much power.

* * *

W: i can't stop laughing

D: im going to hit you so hard, words describing the impact will appear out of thin air

* * *

W: I need to get a life

D: check Amazon

* * *

D: Some kid was riding a bike in Walmart

D: He ran over my foot

D: I accidentally just taught a four year old to swear in German

* * *

D: which country has the most birds

D: portuGEESE

W: wait

D: no no I know thats a language hang on

D: portuGULL

W: nice recovery

D: don't you mean nice reDOVEery

W: turkey, how did we miss turkey

* * *

(Modified) Amazon text is sent in from That's terrible (guest), and the Walmart text was sent in by Envoy (guest) - Thanks peeps, they were great XD

I will get busy updating other stories soon! Like this fic's counterpart. I am so behind there are like 10 stories/chapters I need to write this week

It's up to Miss Ghoulish, TheZodiacDragon, Amelia Loves Anime, Guest of Honor, cocopops1995, and scribbled. ink will be in charge of our ridiculous and completely improvised Romeo and Juliet play, it ought to be a riot…let us know who you guys are casting for the roles. I'll take one for the team and be Juliet, unless someone else volunteers! please volunteer, and save a life ;)

I'm emotionally stable again, but thanks so much for your concern, Iron Robin. Guest of Honor is my copilot and cutie0612 is my backup copilot, but you can be my backup's backup copilot ;)

CuzImBatman was followed by piranhas, so I'm trying to figure out a way to deal with that current issue. Should we keep them in a fish tank? Throw them out the plane? Eat them? I dunno. They obviously have a grudge against a certain passenger on the plane *cough* CuzImBatman *cough* sigh. this is your fault.

Ohh, looks like we're heading to Florida, Seattle, New York, Ireland, ummm have we been to England? Well we're going again :)

According to Firecracker we have a situation! The league scanners have picked up our signal so we gotta amscray! We're heading North - to Alaska! We are officially on the run! Hang on I've actually got a series of books about this to consult, lemme call Gordon Korman!

The Justice League will never catch us! haha, suckers!


	35. Chapter 35

W: now what

D: well nobody is going to believe us, so call me and we'll go over our version of the story

* * *

D: let's go to the park and dig a hole, name it love,

D: and watch people fall in love

W: ...I'll get the shovel

* * *

W: eat whatever you want and if people lecture you about it,

W: eat them too

* * *

W: there is nothing to fear but fear itself

D: ...and spiders

* * *

D: Lies: 1. Just one more episode

D: 2. Just one more page

D: 3. Just one more bite

D: 4. Just 5 more minutes

* * *

D: I am sweet, lovable, kind, shy and innocent

W: i c anT brthE

D: fine, alright you can stop laughing now

* * *

D: always remember these two words, they will open every door in your life:

D: 'Push' and 'Pull'

* * *

W: i'm having an out-of-money experience

D: the words 'out-of-money' confuse me, please explain

W: bite me.

D: why dont you buy me a drink first

* * *

D: if I'm damned if I do and damned if I dont,

D: Then dammit I'm doing it

* * *

W: pandas are so chill

W: why can't i just be a panda

* * *

W: you know its a very very bad situation when I am the voice of reason

D: we're not at that point

W: yet.

* * *

D: I love italian food

W: eat the spagetti to forgetti your regretti

* * *

W: Roy just told me an awesome joke, here it is

W: "mickey mouse, you say you want to divorce minnie because she was...extremely silly?"

W: "No, I said she was f***ing goofy.

* * *

D: I'm gonna wing it

W: I advise against this

D: I got nothing else

W: then make me proud

* * *

W: you never told me you have a horse!

W: what's it's name!?

D: Well we call her Thunder for short

D: I get to enter her in races, the full name is Thunder Takes The Lead

W: you little troll.

* * *

W: what's forrest gump's password?

D: 1Forrest1

W: its no fun when you always know the joke.

* * *

D: two words come to mind when I hear you speak: delusional and weirdo

D: and if I had to pick a third...goofy. Just plain goofy.

W: well at least Im not f****** goofy

D: dude.

* * *

W: WE'RE GONNA DIE

D: think positive!

W: WE'RE GONNA DIE QUICKLY

* * *

D: whatever meds you were on last night made you as loopy as me with the alligator boot incident

W: what

D: you kept trying to highlight me cause you said I was important

W: what color was the highlighter

D: blue. and then you went on a rant about how blue my eyes are, and how they put the blue

highlighter to the utmost shame, and microwaved it for it's shortcomings.

* * *

W: ever wonder about how an author would describe you in a novel?

D: "and then there's this complete jackass"

* * *

W: on a scale of 1 to Australia how dangerous are we talking

D: throwing an apple at Roy

W: whoa. okay we are not doing something that dangerous.

* * *

W: describe yourself in once sentence

D: I don't cause commotions, I am one.

* * *

W: I trusted you.

D: i told you, it was an accident.

W: no, you KNEW i was groggy and out of it, and had literally just brushed my teeth. it was completely intentional.

D: you didn't have to drink it!

W: the orange juice was in a brown cup with a lid, how was I supposed to know?!

D: merely an unfortunate coincidence!

* * *

D: when I watch movies where someone is trapped underwater, I hold my breath to see if I

would have survived

D: almost died in Finding Nemo

* * *

W: how much do you love me

D: so love. very much.

W: On a scale of 0 to cheeseburgers?

D: cheeseburgers with bacon

W: ...and you claim we're not a couple

D: we're not.

* * *

D: just so you know,

D: i never liked your spinach puffs

D: NEVER

W: *GASP*

* * *

D: pull the lever Kronk

W: okay

D: WRONG LEVEERRRRRR!

D: ...why do we even HAVE that lever

* * *

W: Mahatma Gandhi walked barefoot most of his life, which produced an impressive set of

calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail. And with his odd diet, he

suffered from bad breath.

W: This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis

* * *

W: you're either insane or brilliant

D: its amazing how thing the line is between those two traits

* * *

D: stages of friendship:

D: asks for piece of gum

D: asks for piece of gum but sneaks one regardless

D: simply helps oneself to piece of gum

D: takes last piece without asking and laughs about it

D: takes last piece of gum in secret, then remakes the wrapper and puts it back to make it look like theres still one piece.

W: and then theres us, where you take my whole packet and offer me one piece of my own gum.

* * *

D: I need to go take a shower

W: okay

W: dirty boy

D: lol i'm so dirty

W: how dirty

D: really dirty

D: like running through sewers chasing Killer Croc dirty

W: lol okay go take a shower

D: ya

W: quick question

W: why was Artemis chasing you through the sewers

D: I said Killer Croc, not Killer Crock

W: oh right, my mistake.

* * *

D: someone wrote Sugar, we're going down swinging on the bathroom wall in blood and now the school is on lockdown omg

D: THE POLICE ARE HERE

W: dude Lol

D: Barbara is in the corner laughing, I wonder...

D: SHE DID

W: are you not going to ask her the source of the blood

* * *

Oh no, another person has died of laughter! RIP HunterofHorcruxes, we will give you a lovely eulogy. But dangit, now I've got one more to add to the police charges - the price of comedy, I suppose.

We have to make a few detours, then the crazy plane will be back on course for Alaska! Meanwhile we have rotten eggs to hold the Leaguers off, mwuahahahaha

I will include requests in the next chapter, keep yer eyes out!

FuzzyElf24 - thanks for coming on board, and for your contribution of the two crazy cats and spoons, Lol

The girl who envies books - its too risky to land, but we're gonna throw a rope ladder down to you, then will pull you up; bring the fish tank! brilliant idea for the piranhas!

CHBNewRomeHogwartsBerk - the user above is bringing a fish tank for the piranhas, so the mascot idea is perfect! whoo!

Firecracker-TheBatCrazyDemigod - I know I know I'm trying to get to alaska but MY PEOPLE NEED ME ahhh, okay is there some way we can keep running interference?! Iron Robin can help!

SHoutout to call-know-it-all - thank ya so much darlin! You be there, and we'll get you ;)

We're picking up everyone who got left behind! So just look for a plane that has 'The girl who envies books' hangin off a rope ladder, crazy cats and improvised plans, while rapid fangirl screams and chaos is heard within. I'm afraid we do draw a lot of attention to ourselves XD

I get a lot of ideas for this story from tumblr or memes, and a lot of it is just random stuff I come up with - yay for randomness

Unfortunely I can't respond to every review, but I see, read, and love them all! Keep being crazy, guys, its the only requirement needed for getting a ticket on this plane!

Wait, hang on...a chunk of sanity is stuck in the left engine, its freezing up! I need CHBNewRomeHogwartsBerk and a few volunteers to try and get it unlodged, while Guest of Honor, cutie0612, and Iron Robin meet with me in the cockpit! We are over the Pacific, so if we can't fix this, swim to the Crazy boat and we will get to alaska on that!


	36. Chapter 36

R: saw on the news that there was an escape from the mental hospital nearby.

R: which one of you crazies got out and where should I pick you up

W: too late

D: we're at your window already

* * *

W: no but what if your drawings actually came to life

D: ...

D: ME HOY MINOY

* * *

D: whatcha doin

W: sleepin

D: whatcha doin later

W: sleeping

D: okay

* * *

W: but is the S or C silent in scent?

D: STOOOOOOOOP IIIIIIIIIT

* * *

D: today I was buying something and the store owner looked up and said something in chinese and I was so surprised I said 'what' in Russian and we just stared at each other for a full 10 seconds

D: like what the heck we are in Spain

* * *

W: so what are your top 10 favorite Sherlock episodes

D: thats cold man.

* * *

W: just a friendly tip,

W: DO NOT PUT BANANAS IN THE MICROWAVE

W: THEY ARE FLAMMABLE

D: why did you put bananas in the microwave

W: SCIENCE

* * *

D: still don't see why I had to go in.

W: you were the first one done eating.

W: i'm on my 7th taco, so can't exactly do the shopping, and Roy is on phone with Dinah

D: I could get kidnapped.

W: don't forget the Totinos pizza rolls

D: Got everything. Gonna find the cutest cashier and get checked out.

W: send me a pic

D: *sends selfie from self checkout counter*

D: found the cutest cashier.

* * *

D: should I do it or no

D: hello

D: helloooo

D: hey wally my arm just got chopped off by a psycho killer

W: ok im sorry I will save you

D: I already bled to death

D: thats what happens when you take 20 minutes to reply to texts

D: People die.

* * *

W: I'd walk through fire for you

W: well, not fire, that would be kinda dangerous

W: but a super humid room...but not too humid, because, you know...my hair.

D: same.

* * *

D: just go, 'but mUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUuum!

W: can you translate this I don't know british

D: I'll do my best.

D: *ahem* AY YO MA

* * *

W: where do pigeons sleep at night?

D: they don't they mutate into bats think about it have you ever seen a bat and a pigeon in the same place

* * *

D: may you live to be so old that your driving terrifies people

W: it already terrifies people

D: true.

* * *

W: roses are red

W: violets are red...

W: tulips are red...

W: petunias are red...

W: I accidentally set the flower garden on fire:

W: I'm grounded.

* * *

D: ring around the rosie

D: a pocket full of posies

D: ashes, ashes

D: 1/3 of the European population gets obliterated by the Black Death

* * *

W: why are you so mean.

D: actually, I'm median and mode

W: don't even start it

D: no need to be irrational about this.

* * *

D: "I never said she stole my money"

D: this sentence has 7 different meanings depending on the stressed word

W: dude. whoa.

* * *

W: ugh my stomach growled really loud in French

W: I would like to clarify that my stomach did not speak French, it growled in French class

D: bonjour

D: le growl

D: hon hon hon feed me a baguette

W: shut up

* * *

D: bouncy castle at 3 o'clock

D: last one there is a mature loser

* * *

W: you have a problem.

D: I just think my problem is that I have really fantastic bad ideas

* * *

D: pretty sure somebody hid the final paragraph of my essay on a shelf i can't reach

W: sucks to be short. lol

D: I'd get it but I don't want to jump to conclusions.

W: ...

D: ya. you got owned.

* * *

D: stress level:

D: Princess Mia driving the Stang.

* * *

W: a rolled up tortilla is a perfect substitute for your finger in regards to using a touch screen

D: good to know.

W: I typed that last message with a tortilla

* * *

W: I just electrocuted myself omg

D: how shocking

D: how do you currently feel?

W: im kind of amped

D: Watt I can't hear you

W: I said it hertz a lot

* * *

W: it's fun making up Ace Hardware sales pitches

W: 'Ace Hardware: No screwing, just lots of screws'

D: what

W: 'Ace Hardware: For when it really is just a hammer in your pocket'

D: seriously

W: 'Ace Hardware: Yes that is a hammer, but we're still happy to see you'

D: OKAY THAT'S ENOUGH

W: Admit it, you're laughing.

D: shut up.

* * *

All the requests would have made this chapter really really way too long - they'll start off the next chapter - patience, my young padawans XD

Hey, remember when I said in Chapter 7 that this fic was finished? *Laughs at naive past self* - Well anyway, a reviewer pointed out that this fic says it's Complete, which was an oversight on my part - I'll change that to 'In Progress', don't freak out! :) We are by no means at the end of the rope for this story. Even though its getting so out of hand that it should be. heh.

*sigh*. The Supernatural Season 11 Finale. *Bangs head against window* Amiright?! Hello Hellatus, my old friend...

ATTENTION - WE HAVE LOST AN ENGINE, WILL ALL PERSONNEL TRYING TO FIX IT PLEASE COME BACK INTO THE PLANE FOR YOUR OWN TEMPORARY SAFETY

I'm gonna count down from 10, and when I reach zero, jump! And for the love of all that's good in this world, when you guys jump, don't forget the snacks, crazy cats, and piranhas! There's a few pool noodles in the back compartment, if anyone wants to grab a one. Don't take mine though, it's blue and has Supernatural written all over it in Sharpie. The crazy boat is a HUGE inflatable raft, complete with bouncy house. It's close, as long as you guys don't drown - sharks aren't a problem, btw, I've got some shark-repellent bat-spray *snorts in amusement*; If only we had had some sanity-repellent bat-spray, this whole mess could have been avoided...

10 - 9 - 8 - 7 - 6 - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1...

* A BIG FREAKING ZERO*

WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR, JUMP!

*represses urge to add 'you fools!' at the end of that*


	37. Chapter 37

Texts/requests sent in from readers! Many are moderately tweaked :

(Leaffeather2)

W : There were 244 seeds on one of my strawberries

D : So?

D : Wait how did u count them

D : Why did u count them

D : Cuz only an idiot would count strawberry seeds

D : I feel like I've been pranked

D : And I don't know why but 244 is a cool number

* * *

(MagicWarriorDragon)

W: did you know the brain is able to block out bad memories?

D: I'm surprised I even recognize your face

* * *

(Sapphire363)

W: Roses are red, that much is true, but violets are violet, not effing blue

D: 'Roses are red and violets are blue' that's what they say, but it isn't true. Roses are red, and apples are too, but violets are violet, violets aren't blue. An orange is orange, but Greenland's not green and a pinky's not pink, so what does it mean? To call something blue when it's not, we defile it, but ahh, what the heck, it's hard to rhyme violet.

* * *

(EmbraceSadness)

W: You know, when chemists die

W: They barium

D: Well, i suppose that they'll "Barry" you're uncle as well, huh?

W:…dude

* * *

(Envoy)

D: omg

D: he believed me

W: DUDE!

W: Are you somehow descended from Ferris Bueller?

W: Is the ability to lie out of your ass and have people believe you genetic?!

* * *

(BurgerMeister3)

D: If there was someone selling drugs in this place, weed know

W: so its puns today, eh?

W: In that case, I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.

* * *

(CHBNewRomeHogwartsBerk)

W: How dangerous is this scheme of yours

D: It's not a scheme, its a Grand Master Plan!

D: and btw, it's to sing Frozen around Roy

W: you're insane

D: I prefer the term 'adorable megalomaniac'

W: this seems like a very bad idea

D: so, when ya wanna do it?

W: lets go with Thursday

* * *

(That's terrible)

D: I've just thought of a good idea

W: oh, no. What.

D: I'm going to leave my Facebook information with you so after I die you can continue posting for me

W: dude.

* * *

(CHBNewRomeHogwartsBerk)

W: HEY

W: okay so I'm making crescent rolls and I stabbed the thing with a spoon like it said and the dough just sprung out

W: What is this witchcraft

_(Thats all the requests, thanks for sending them in guys!)_

* * *

W: I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon

D: where the heck are you?

W: he's winning.

* * *

W: there's this thing on tumblr that says 'Would you shoot your best friend in the leg for 10 million dollars?'

W: you shoot me and then we split the cash and boom now both of us are rich

D: you can shoot me also then we will have 20 million thats 10 million each instead of 5

W: ya good thinking

* * *

D: I'm your best friend

D: I would die for you

W: ya but did you steal my chips

D: yes...

* * *

W: *sends picture*

W: should I buy this garden gnome

D: absolutely

W: okay

W: I put him in my bedroom window

W: Named him Gned

D: gnice

* * *

W: I hate it when you gently throw your phone on the couch and it decides to bounce off three walls, knock over a lamp, and kill your grandmother's cat.

D: again with the freakin cat.

* * *

D: Fun fact: So if you bite it and you die, its poisonous. If it bites you and you die, it's venomous.

W: what it if bites itself and I die?

D: its voodoo.

W: what if it bites me and someone else dies?

D: that's correlation, not causation

W: what if we bite each other and neither of us die

D: thats kinky

W: DUDE

* * *

D: do you know how to fit an elephant into a safeway bag?

W: how?

D: take the 's' out of 'safe', and the 'f' out of 'way'

W: theres no 'f' in way

W: …

* * *

D: it's officially opposite day

W: so technically that means we are a couple

D: …

W: lol

W: so whatcha doing 'bae'

D: I'm breaking up with you

D: is what I'm doing

W: nah

D: You can't NAH ME

D: how does it feel to not be a couple anymore

W: I wouldn't know

D: LET ME BREAK UP WITH YOU

W: nah

* * *

The reviews are KILLING me they're so funny, especially all the responses to me telling you all to jump; EdwardElric3oct10 said, "EVERYONE! BE SHERLOCK!" - that just slayed me.

I've just graduated high school (yay!) so have a ton of stuff and SAT crap to do, so can't do a Crazy plane/boat flight announcement right now, but will in the next chapter! Just stay afloat guys! Get to the huge inflatable raft!

I will also be catching up on the all the personal messages from this and last month - I'm really behind in everything, sorry!

Keep an eye out for updates in:

This story,

The Tales Behind the Texts

Young Justice Watches Young Justice

Lazy Days at the Circus - Or Not

Apparently there is a Young Justice, Dick and Wally skit on youtube based off of this story - real fun stuff! Wish they, or someone, could continue it and/or make a small short-video series based off of it. Heh, would be fun.


	38. Chapter 38

W: that awkward moment in Chemistry class when we have to pair up and suddenly I'm the most popular person in class

D: you're always the most popular to me bro, even when you have no class

W: how do you manage to be sweet and yet completely insult me at the same time

* * *

W: do you ever clean out the fridge and its like...ew.

W: and then ewwwwww wtf.

W: oh what's in this containter *cracks lid* MOTHER OF-

D: only at Roy's.

* * *

D: don't do it it's probably booby-trapped

W: LOL

W: you said 'trapped'!

* * *

D: I am in hell

D: This is literally hell

D: Please grip me tight and raise me from perdition

W: where are you

D: Classical english

* * *

W: And there's gonna be a day when you're standing in the hall of fame!

D: More like 'there's gonna be a day when you're face is on the wall of shame!'

* * *

D: I'm sorry

D: I didn't mean to hit you in the eye with a piece of bacon

* * *

D: I'm so tired I just read 'rude awakening' as 'nude awakening'

W: I can't stop laughing

D: I need to go to bed

* * *

D: When I say "BREAK" you say "UP"!

D: BREAK

W: nah

D: LET ME BREAK UP WITH YOU

W: there's someone else isn't there

* * *

W: salt is so cheap wth why is salt to cheap

W: It is literally 89 cents for one of those one pound canisters

W: I just bought ten pounds of salt this is awesome

* * *

D: PSA, Sebastian Stan is literally identical Luke Skywalker have you seen him it's like he's a clone

D: DISNEY OWNS MARVEL AND STAR WARS  
D: IF THEY DON'T DO SOMETHING WITH THIS IMMA START A RIOT

* * *

W: when taylor swift sings 'and the fella over there with the hella good hair' she does not refer to you

D: well she sure as hell aint talkin about you

W: she obviously is talking about Sam Winchester

W: have you seen those glorious locks

* * *

D: I do not understand the phrase 'I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him'

D: Is the distance you can throw someone supposed to be an accurate gauge and measure on how much you can trust them? You can throw a lot of people pretty far, doesn't exactly mean you can trust them though. And vica versa.

* * *

D: today is Monday, I feel like we should do something illegal

W: I have 50 boxes of cake mix we need to start making cakes ASAP

D: that works too.

* * *

D: you should wake up

D: And talk to me

D: Because I am more awesome than sleep

D: You know you wanna

D: I hope your ringer is on really loud and this is p*ssing you off

D: DING DING DING DING

W: imma kill you

D: Success

* * *

W: Don't go bacon my heart

D: I couldn't if I fried

* * *

D: The word 'darling' is derived from and Old English term meaning 'favorite minion'

W: hello darling

* * *

D: making my way downtown

D: still making my way downtown

D: downtown is farther than I originally thought

D: seriously tho did someone move downtown

W: maybe you should have taken the bus

D: Day 194: Finally made it downtown

D: dang, Barbara isn't home

D: making my way back uptown

* * *

W: roses are red

W: violets are blue

W: but I wouldn't know that

W: because you never bring me flowers

W: you bastard

D: why would I bring flowers when I always bring the aster

* * *

D: sleep is for the weak

D: nvm I am sleeping for a week

* * *

D: it's thursday

D: or as I like to call it

D: 'day 4 of the hostage situation'

* * *

W: 'go hang a salami' backwards is 'im a lasagna hog'

D: how did either of these sentences occur naturally for you to discover this

* * *

W: I love you so much I would provide you with an alibi in the event that your crazy ass snapped

D: funny that you should mention that, cause as a matter of fact...

W: what did you do.

* * *

W: so mom lost her phone yesterday

W: and how some homeless guy keeps facetiming me and telling me he's my new dad

D: LMAO

* * *

W: k im going to bed

D: k

D: *sends creepy picture of Slenderman*

D: gnight ;)

W: WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT

* * *

(Appearance from Roy)

R: No, no, absolutely not I forbid this

D: Wally, thoughts?

R: do not encourage him West

W: Don't listen to him Dick, he's trying ot lead you down the path of righteousness

W: I'm gonna lead you down the path that rocks

* * *

FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT:

I thought I told you all to jump, what are some of you guys still doing on the plane?! *tosses the stragglers out of the plane* Swim towards the inflatable raft! It's got a fricking bouncy house, you can't miss it!

*grabs backpack and starts throwing random stuff in it* Um right lets see keys phone wheres my keys wait I dont need keys *the back of plane catches fire* TIME TO GO

*JUMPS OUT OF PLANE*

*SCREAMING*

OH HI EVERYONE ELSE I SHOVED OUT OF THE PLANE HOW IS BREATHING

OKAY YA I KNOW THIS WASNT THE GREATEST IDEA

*SPLASH*

Alright where the stinking raft...Oh hello everyone who jumped of their own accord, ya I'm soaked too, lets just pretend this is the Second Task in the Triwizard Tournament so that it doesnt suck so much haha okay I see the raft so follow me

Everyone all together now, "Just keep swimming, just keep swimming!"

Louder for the people in the back!  
JUST KEEP SWIMMING

IF YOU SEE A SHARK JUST REMEMBER, YOU ARE FRIEND, NOT FOOD

P. S. 'When Robin and Kid Flash Are Alone' is the name of the Youtube video, I liked it a lot :)


	39. Chapter 39

(Chapter heavily features Roy)

R: geez what the hell is wrong with you

W: everything

D: except for the way I dress

* * *

W: hey roy

R: what

D: what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulance, and 2 firetrucks have in common?

R: …

D: they're all parked in front of your apartment building

* * *

R: I hate you guys

D: lol, you still hungover?

R: this is your fault

R: I haven't been sober in 2 days

W: then be sober

R: no

* * *

R: me and a few High school buddies are going camping so don't go into my apartment while I'm gone

W: um…

D: okay.

R: uh oh looks like drunk canoeing

D: text us if you survive

R: LAND HO BITCHES

* * *

R: Why did the turkey cross the road?

W: …

D: to show that he wasn't chicken

R: No. He didn't cross. He's an assh*le and just stood in front of my car for 5 minutes

* * *

R: I don't like it

W: you don't like anything

R: I like you two

D: …why do after midnight conversations get so emotional

R: shut up

* * *

W: I could eat a whale and still be hungry 5 minutes after

D: a whale could eat you and still be hungry 5 minutes after

W: you could eat Hungary and still be a whale 5 minutes after

D: you could eat Wales and still be in Hungary 5 minutes after

R: are you guys traffic signs because you need to stop

* * *

R: officially hit rock bottom. thanks guys.

W: well now the only place to go is up!

D: You underestimate him. He's got a pickaxe and is willing to dig.

* * *

R: There is a thin line between being sassy and being an assh*le

W: and?

R: and you two cross it every day.

D: …

* * *

R: Can't decide if I need a hug, an XL coffee, 6 shots of vodka, or 2 weeks of sleep.

D: I'LL GIVE YOU A HUG

W: I'LL GIVE YOU THE VODKA

* * *

R: are you guys dressing preppy or homeless

D: honestly we're just gonna wear whatever you have in your closet

W: so homeless.

* * *

R: Call me in 5 min say I gotta come get one of you

W: Level 1 to 10 emergency?

R: Level 10 get me outta here

D: okay I'll even start crying put me on speaker

* * *

D: Come here

W: why?

D: just come here

W: no you're gonna hit me

* * *

W: it's like we finish each other's

D: government conspiracy theories

* * *

W: so what, are you going to be bitchy all day today

D: yes

* * *

D: I'm so full I'm not gonna eat for a day

W: I have brownies

D: bring them forth

* * *

W: I need advice

W: nvm I already did the stupid thing

* * *

D: the restaurant I'm at has forks that have 3 prongs instead of 4

D: they're not forks they're threeks

* * *

D: what are they called again

D: the yellow flowers

D: that are like 'noot noot'

W: …daffodils?

D: YES those

W: from now on I'm calling them noot noot flowers

* * *

W: someone just tried to rob an Apple store at the mall

D: does that make you an iWitness

* * *

W: Aunt Iris put a string of lights in my room and THEYRE STUCK ON EXTREME STROBE AND I CANT STOP THEM

W: ITS LIKE IM AT A DISCO THIS IS NOT FUN

D: seems like theres panic at the disco

W: THIS IS NOT A JOKE

* * *

D: Blood is red

D: the ocean is blue

D: if you fall into Tartarus

D: I'd fall with you

W: NO NO STOP IT

W: TOO SOON

* * *

D: YOU IDIOT

W: I'M SURE YOU'RE RIGHT BUT WHY?

* * *

W: Ice skating is like walking in cursive

D: stop doing this to me

* * *

W: so did it hurt

D: what?

W: when you fell from heaven

D: did you just call me Satan?

W: yes

* * *

D: No, you're wrong.

D: so just sit there in your wrongness and be wrong

W: but

D: shh.

* * *

D: roses are red

D: Violets are blue

D: sunflowers are yellow

D: I bet you were expecting a poem but these are just gardening facts

* * *

W: oh my gosh i just found out

W: for the past 2 years this kid in school has told his mom that he is gay so he could have girls in his room

* * *

W: Roses are red, Sherlock's blood too, there pain in John's voice, "He's my friend let me through"

D: Roses are red, Bruises are blue, you say one more word, I'll strangle you

W: Roses are red, thistles are prickly, I just have to say, that escalated quickly

D: Roses are red, your statement's correct, but as a Sherlockian, what did you expect

* * *

W: I'm totally into fitness…

W: Fitness whole pizza in my mouth

* * *

D: "Watch this" you said

D: "It'll be fun" you said

D: "I'm going to watch this" i said

D: "this was not fun" i said

D: "im emotionally ruined" i said

D: ..."hey watch this" i later said

* * *

W: 100 acres of pizza are served in the U.S. every day

D: who measure pizza in acres?!

W: U. S. Motherfricking. A.

* * *

D: It's not 'your' its not 'you're', it MINE everything is MINE

W: U.S. history 101

* * *

W: when I say SUPER you say NATURAL

W: SUPER

D: PAINFUL

W: okay lets try that again

W: when I say SUPER you say NATURAL

W: SUPER

D: TRAUMATIZING

W: SUPER

D: FEELS

W: SUPER

D: GIFS

W: SUPER

D: TEARFUL

W: SUPER

D: DADDY ISSUES

W: SUPER

D: HOT

W: SUPER

D: MODELS

W: SUPER

D: RHYMES WITH LUCIFER

W: DAMMIT WHEN I SAY SUPER COULD YOU PLEASE JUST SAY NATURAL

W: ONE MORE TIME

W: SUPER

D: CALIFRAGILISTICESPIALIDOCIOUS

W: F*CK

* * *

Crazy boat announcements will occur every other chapter! Just keep swimming guys, and be jealous of the people already at the bouncy house. Lol

So I asked the creators of the 'When Robin and Kid Flash Are Alone' video (largely based off this fic) if they'd think about doing more, and they said yeah! If/when they do, this story will have a youtube video counterpart (series? hopefully)! I am sooo excited, how awesome XD They did a great job so this is gonna be a lotta fun :D

Booyah!

I offer my condolences to Liantei, who got kicked out of class the other day for laughing too much at the last chapter *rolls around from laughter* oh I'm so sorry mah' dear!

Adrianna Agray: I've got the guest appearance for barbara covered, *winks*, hopefully a bunch of you catch the double meaning when you see it in next chapter ahahaha

For all the people who asked for more Roy, this chapter was specifically designed for those requests! :)

HunterofHorcruxes: Oh sure, rub it in our faces, not like I'm getting cramps from swimming or anything...I'm a terrible swimmer actually, so if I drown before we reach the raft you'll have company in the veil XD

I just love how many of you are geeking out over the supernatural references, haha

Awesomesauce11: ahhh I'm sorry! were you able to explain why you accidentally woke them up, LOL?! Or maybe you should just show them, hopefully they've got as good of sense of humor as you ;)

Well this has been fun, and we're almost to the Crazy Inflatable Raft!

(I've already got the next chapter written up - get some butter cause I'm on a roll! Whoo!)

See you in the next update, the 40TH CHAPTER this is out of control, all because most everyone's mad here :D


	40. Chapter 40

D: hail satan

D: rain satan

D: snow satan

D: tomorrow there is a 90% chance of precipisatan

D: It'll be foggy in the morning, lots of condensatan

W: it's kind of conceited to talk about yourself so much

D: I was just talking about the weather

* * *

D: So I calculated it. And it would only take about 400 people to get enough iron to forge a steel longsword

W: What

D: You know how fantasy books talk about swords 'forged with the blood of enemies'

D: Well I calculated it out, and if you drained about 400 adult men of their blood, and extracted the iron from it, you would have enough for a longword

D: Forged from the blood of your enemies

W: Thats pretty neat

D: i know right

* * *

D: How to make emo cakes:

D: Milk

D: Butter

D: Eggs

D: Sugar

D: We're

D: Going

D: Down

D: Swinging

* * *

W: help I'm broke I spent all my money on Fritos

W: jk I have 4 more dollars just enough for more fritos

W: help I'm broke I spent all my money on fritos

* * *

D: I wonder how many ponytails I can put in my hair

D: I can put 25 ponytails in my hair

* * *

W: There is this girl in school who has a British accent but she's not from England and one time I met her parents at a school event and they didn't have a British accent either

W: So I asked her where she got the accent from because I was really confused and she told me her parents faked it until she was 7 because they wanted a child with a British accent

D: done.

D: I'm so done all i can do is lay on the floor

D: 10000000000% done.

* * *

D: Roses are red

W: Violets are blue

D: Garlic bread

W: Blink 182

* * *

D: I put the hot in photo

W: I thought this said 'I put the hot in potato' I'm such an idiot

* * *

D: Civil War Jokes?

D: I General Lee don't find them funny

* * *

D: you don't know true competition until you're one of the last two people in musical chairs

W: I nearly killed someone like this once

D: the chair games

W: may the chairs be ever in your favor

D: game of thrones

* * *

W: I have so much homework

D: so what movie are you gonna watch

* * *

W: I've decided to leave my past behind me, so if I owe you money…

W: I'm sorry, but I've moved on

D: I am rich enough to hire a hitman and no one will ever trace it back to me.

W: so its 54 dollars right

* * *

D: if you're ever going to stab someone, stab them, then punch them were you stabbed. They won't feel the knife wound and just think you hit them.

W: okay thanks

* * *

W: ah, yes the Trojan horse. Or as I like to call it,

W: Murderous piñata

* * *

W: then all the reindeer loved him

W: as they shouted out with glee

W: rudolph the red nosed reindeer

W: you'll GO DOWN IN HISTORY REMEMBER ME FOR CENTURIES

* * *

D: I just called the last day of school the season finale of school

W: step away from the tumblr

* * *

D: sleeping is nice because you're not actually dead and you're not awake so its a win-win situation

W: its like being dead without the commitment

D: an open relationship with death

W: death with benefits

* * *

W: if cockroaches can survive atomic bombs and chemical warfare, what is in a can of Raid?

D: Chuck norris

* * *

W: ah ha! got it!

D: I don't have 'ah ha!' moments, I have more like 'ah sh*t' moments

* * *

D: if a plant is sad do other plants photosymphathize with it

W: "I chlorofeel you man"

* * *

D: how about nope

D: there are many time I am grateful that thought bubbles don't appear over my head

D: cause sometimes even the little devil on my shoulder asks "what the hell are you doing now?"

* * *

D: I've got like 50 pairs of sunglasses but they're all lost why cant i keep track of them

W: so you might say,

W: that you have 50 shades of grey

D: you really wanna go there

* * *

D: so light em up up up, light em up up up, light em up up up

D: Harry, did you put your name in the Goblet of Fiiiiiyhahhhhhhhhh

* * *

W: Exercise

W: …Ex..er…cise…

W: …Ex..Ar…Size

W:…Eggs…are…sides

W: …For Bacon…

W: Bacon.

* * *

W: I can't find anyone to help me at Home Depot

D: just get up on one of those tall orange step ladders

W: dude it worked

W: but I got kicked out of the store

* * *

W: WHAT COLOR ARE MIRRORS

D: lets reflect on this

* * *

D: so Waldo from Where's Waldo

D: he wears stripes

D: because he doesn't want to be spotted

W: im gonna hit something

* * *

W: if I cut off my foot and swing it at your head am I kicking or hitting you

D: you'll most likely mentally scar me more than anything

* * *

W: Merry christmas? WHAT ABOUT PIPPIN CHRISTMAS

D: YA BUT WHAT ABOUT SECOND CHRISTMAS

* * *

W: Type O Blood was actually meant to be Type Zero blood, due to the lack of glycoproteins in the red blood cells. It was misread and is now called Type 'O' blood. I guess you could call it a typo…

D: I'm gonna throw something at you.

* * *

W: so next time I introduce you to someone I'm gonna go, "Say hello to MY LITTLE FRIEND' and then reach in my pocket like I'm gonna pull out a knife or gun or something and then you waltz on up like 'sup' and I'll be like 'so this is my friend Dick'

D: I'm Dick Grayson and I approve this message

* * *

D: A demon and an angel walk into a bar

D: it's not a joke, its just an episode of Supernatural

* * *

(Sent in by Reina Grayson)

W: I'm so dead

D: ...what did you do to her THIS time?

W: my plush pokeball hit her as I was playing around and I instantly shouted 'Purugly, I choose you'

D it was nice knowing you...what's your favorite flower again?

* * *

(Special appearance from Barbara)

Babs: I just shaved my legs and now they feel like dolphins

D: I've always wanted to swim with dolphins

D: ;)

* * *

Weeeeeell I hope you guys got a kick out of that last text *WINK* Lol

Ceeeeeeelebrate 40 chapters come on! Let's celebrate XD And over 1000 reviews! *faints*

Aha! We've made it to the Crazy inflatable raft!

Guys! *gasp* quick, pull me up *gasp* I can't feel my limbs geez I'm out of shape *coughs up seawater* ... ew

All right, everyone up, come on now! *throws out swimming innertubes* - I've tied rope to these, so just grab onto one and we'll pull you on board!

Okay, where's the cheeto- CRAP HOLY CRAP PIRAHNAS ARE EVERYONE SOMEONE GET THEM UNDER CONTROL OH MY GOSH THE MASCOTS ARE FLIPPIN INSANE


	41. Chapter 41

W: last night I dreamed that scientists used a really bad picture of me to prove humans are closely related to goats and i was so insulted I woke up

D: I. CANT. BREATHE.

* * *

W: what time does the 7 o'clock bus leave

D: seriously.

* * *

D: I forgot the word 'reindeer' today so I described them as 'Christmas llamas'

D: I can honestly say that I've never seen such an expression on Bruce's face before

* * *

W: OKAY PLAN C TANKED

D: roses are red, windows are glass, maybe you should try plan D for 'dumbass'

W: I DO NOT NEED THIS RIGHT NOW

* * *

D: The bible said 'Adam and Eve' not 'throw Adam in hell and leave'

W: …who?

D: THATS NOT FUNNY

* * *

W: I am in physical pain

D: what happened

W: a girl in biology just asked if the sun had bones

D: if it makes you feel better, one time this one guy asked the teacher if fish was a dairy product

W: it doesnt.

* * *

W: Roy and I are at the drive thru at McDonalds, what do you want you creature

D: McFlurry. Oreo.

W: okay hater see you when we get back

* * *

W: roses are red, violets are blue, WHY DOES EVERYONE WANT TO GO BACK TO JAKKU

D: lol poor Finn

* * *

W: a squirrel is staring at me through the patio door.

W: I think he's part of a gang

D: he's curious

W: I'M curious. he's maniacal.

W: His cheeks are stuffed with rage

D: Nuts

W: YOU'RE nuts.

* * *

W: you have issues.

W: I don't know what your specific problem is but I bet it's hard to pronounce

* * *

D: remember that one time in supernatural when sam was kidnapped by a ghost and forced to have a birthday party with him

W: and then gay love pierced through the veil of death and saved the day

D: I just got kicked out of class for laughing because of you

W: you started it

* * *

D: 'unfollowers' backwards is 'srewollofnu' which sounds like 'screw all of you'

D: coincidence I THINK NOT

* * *

W: the reason we have little cuts and bruises we don't remember getting is cause at night bats fly into everyones room and beat them up in their sleep

D: oh sure, blame the bats. What the heck? We're easy targets

W: was that a disney reference

D: ANASTASIA, is NOT disney, you uncultured swine!

* * *

W: but how do cops on bikes arrest people?

D: "alright, now get in the basket."

* * *

D: my sleeves are too long for my little handsies

W: why are these are the kind of texts I wake up to.

* * *

W: don't eat the cookies yet they just came out of the oven and are too hot

D: fire cannot kill a dragon

* * *

W: we have to both live long enough to be able to race each other in wheelchairs and duel with canes

D: I will if you will

W: deal

* * *

W: lets take a minute to be thankful that bugs aren't the same size as us

D: you just had a bug fly into your mouth didn't you

* * *

W: what

W: whats going on

W: wait what

* * *

D: hate it when waiters ask, 'are you done with that' when the plate is clear

D: It's like nah, imma eat the plate too

* * *

D: why did you leave me a three minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth

D: stop it

* * *

W: so since we're bros and we go grocery shopping together,

W: does that make it Brocery shopping?

D: works for me

* * *

W: I MACED MY OWN FACE

D: by far best text I've ever woken up to

* * *

D: Thug life?

D: more like drop the 'T' and get over here

* * *

D: I'm like 4 days past my bedtime

W: are you ok

* * *

D: Shall I compare thee to a summer day?

D: Cause thou hast NO CLASS

W: you are insufferable.

* * *

D: I hate to say 'I told you so'

D: So I'm going to sing it instead

D: *ahem*

* * *

W: why don't you just gain a little weight

W: heavy people are harder to kidnap

* * *

W: wait

W: so stress balls aren't for throwing at people who stress you out?

* * *

D: who's that sexy beast?

D: Oh I accidentally turned the front facing camera on whoops

* * *

W: it's strange how after tuesday the rest of the week spells WTF

D: wtf

* * *

D: a recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it

W: ahahahahaha

* * *

W: don't be sad, because sad backwards is das, and das not good

D: thanks buddy

* * *

D: why do teacher have such an intense hatred for wikipedia

W: because it does their job better than them

W: my history teacher used to mess with wikipedia when he gave us assignments

W: half my class had essays about how hitler was secretly in a relationship with Stalin

D: STOP I CANT STOP LAUGHING

* * *

D: there's a theory that no two people see a color the exact same way

W: does that mean a color is like

W: a pigment of your imagination

D: GET OUT

* * *

W: so you're a 10?

W: oh the PH scale maybe, cause you basic

* * *

W: we've both gotten the other is so much trouble over the years I've forgotten which one of us is the bad influence

D: don't worry, it's definitely still you

* * *

D: In an emergency a crayon will burn for 30 minutes

W: how long will it burn if it isn't an emergency?

W: what does the crayon define as an emergency

* * *

D: Poe, a pilot, a Resistance Pilot

D: Rey, a drop of golden sun

D: Finn, a name he calls himself

D: Han, WAS KILLED BY HIS OWN SON

W: TOO SOON

* * *

D: I think it's safe to assume that whoever put the cat in the bag,

D: Is not going to have a good time letting it out.

W: I threw a bag at my grandmother's cat once.

* * *

W: no you couldn't

D: I do it because I can, I can because I want to, I want to because you said I couldn't

* * *

D: so if you work as security at Samsung store, does that make you guardian of the galaxy?

W: If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly why did it fall off?

D: How come our nose runs but our feet smell

* * *

W: One time in fourth grade we had a field trip and the class was standing on a hill and the teacher said 'okay lets rock and roll'

W: so me and like half of the class started rolling down the hill while others started throwing rocks and everyone got detention cause we were all little sh*ts

* * *

D: I love the word particular

D: it's so fun to say

D: there are so many ways to articulate it

* * *

W: I put a circle of bananas around my grandmother's cat while it was asleep

W: the it woke up and the damn thing went bat-sh*t crazy

W: totally destroyed the living room

W: im grounded.

* * *

D: anything you can screw up I can screw up bigger,

D: I can screw up anything bigger than you

W: no you can't

D: yes I can

W: no you can't

D: yes I can

W: NO YOU CAN'T  
D: YES I CAN YES I CAN

D: I JUST ASKED ROY AND HE SAID I CAN

* * *

This was a particularly long chapter, because I'm going to be taking a small break from this fic for a while to work on other stories.

NOTE - You know the last text from Barbara, in the previous chapter? It was a reference to my other story called Don't Answer It, where Roy had actually taken Dick's phone and replied to her text; just wanted to clear that up, for those who hadn't read the other story :) So in fact, it had actually been Babs and Roy texting each other, although she hadn't known that, haha. Technically that was Roy's guest appearance for that chapter...

Requests will appear in the next chapter! I'm seeing all your guys' personal messages and reviews, and will be using a lot of the requests :)

I'm just gonna leave the piranhas to you guys till I get back *cackles*, try and have them rounded up by the time I return with the next chapter! Remember, NO FATALITIES...er, no MORE fatalities I mean...(sorry again about that HunterofHorcruxes, lol)

SHoutout to OptimisticEmotion ! Ahaha you got the reference XD Poor Babs!

Booyah everyone!


	42. Chapter 42

D: how are the puncture wounds

W: fine.

D: sorry

D: didn't mean to stab you with a fork

D: but in all fairness you fell into it

D: ran into it

D: Roy was involved I'm tempted to blame him

* * *

D: the only redeeming factor for the U.S. in the seventies was Star wars.

W: what do you have against the 70's

* * *

D: I'm up next

W: rioting for you

W: I meant rooting

D: I like rioting better

D: rioting in my name is way better than rooting for my name

* * *

D: what is the meaning of life

W: nachos

W: whistle while you work

W: hitler is a jerk

D: what

W: i don't even know

* * *

W: you're annoying

D: I'm annoying but cute

W: your cuteness is annoying

* * *

D: it's funny how NO SH*T means like 'NO KIDDING MORON'

D: but SH*T NO means like ' I JUST DROPPED MY WARM BUTTERY CROISSANT'

* * *

D: since bat wings are just skin stretched between elongated finger bones, bats fly through the power of jazz hands

W: at last I know Batman's secret

* * *

D: alright bye

W: *sends picture of Storm Trooper*

D: why did you send that

W: to let you know that I'm gonna miss you

D: bro.

* * *

D: I just flagged a 10 hour Rick Roll youtube video for nudity so the youtube staff will have to watch the full thing to see where the nudity is

W: I raise you a 12 hour gangman style video I just flagged for nudity

D: I will meet you with a flagged 12 hour long miley cyrus Party in the U.S.A video

W: they are going to find us and kill us

* * *

W: whats the raddest aircraft

W: the HELLAcopter

D: Dude.

* * *

W: if I was trapped inside a room filled with explosives and the only way to get out was to eat a whole tomato I would die

D: how the hell would you even get in that situation

* * *

W: I hate one direction fans so much, I need my whole room to cool down but no this damn thing only blows one way

D: I had to read that 3 times

* * *

W: what did vincent say when he lost his car in the parking lot

W: "where did my van gogh"

D: the correct pronunciation of 'gogh is 'goff'

W: f*ck gogh

* * *

W: me dad's a muggle

W: mam's a witch

D: bitofanastyshockforhimwhenhefoundout

* * *

W: help me figure this out

D: No.

D: i don't think they're right handed or left handed. They're just dogs.

* * *

W: I HAVE AN EMERGENCY LIKE RIGHT NOW HURRY OR I WILL DIE

D: WANTING MCDONALDS IS NOT A MEDICAL EMERGENCY

* * *

D: the word nun is just the letter n doing a cartwheel

W: how did this even occur to you

* * *

W: I love your thing with spiders

W: I mean its like you turn into a mob boss when you see one

W: "I want him dead. I want his family dead. I want his house burnt to the ground."

* * *

D: just walked in on a bunch of people doing cocaine in the hotel lobby bathroom.

D: I sprayed them with a fire extinguisher.

* * *

W: for someone who is 70% water you don't look very refreshing

W: BURNNN

D: water cannot be burned

W: EVAPORATEEEE

* * *

D: RIP, boiled water

D: you will be mist

* * *

D: I DONT UNDERSTAND

W: maybe swearing will help

* * *

D: AINT NO PARTY LIKE AN INTROVERT PARTY CAUSE AN introvert party don't start

W: can I come

D: no

* * *

D: JUST A SMALL TOWN GIRL

W: WILDCATS  
D: THERE"LL BE PEACE WHEN YOU ARE DONE

W: TO SEE A MARCHING BAND

D: CAUSE IM MR BRIGHTSIDE

W: POKEMON!

* * *

W: I'm on the bus and this baby keeps turning around to hold my finger

W: If I move it away he starts screaming. Pretty sure we're bff now.

D: but I thought WE were forever

W: nah man this little guy is way cuter

* * *

D: tutant meenage neetle teetles

D: you can't say it without laughing

W: I can't read it without laughing

* * *

D: so my appointment is in 5 min

W: just use feeling words

D: yay.

* * *

D: did you eat 9 cans of ravioli last night?

W: come on man no one wants to admit that

* * *

W: I'm eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich

D: I know. I'm watching you. I'd hiding in your bushes outside

W: DUDE I actually see you! WTF are you doing in the bushes?!

D: you're kidding right? I'm not really in your bushes…

W: oh holy crap then some creep is out there stalking my house

D: lol don't worry I really am in your bushes

* * *

*hides under table as everyone shouts at me for being gone so long*


	43. Chapter 43

D: Roy told me to stop imitating a flamingo so I had to put my foot down

W: Lol

R: You don't understand. He has literally been hopping around on one foot all day wearing a pink feather boa while making flamingo noises.

* * *

W: why do physics not apply to you

D: I know I defy the laws of gravity, but I never studied law…

* * *

W: CRAP

W: are you okay?!  
D: I am okay

W: are you sure

D: I am sure

W: how are you even alive

D: honestly I'm as surprised as you are

* * *

D: the next time you leave a voicemail in which you shout it at the top of your lungs

D: I WILL STAB YOU WITH A RUSTY FORK

W: YOU ALREADY HAVE

D: OKAY FIRST OF ALL

D: IT WASN'T RUSTY

D: SECOND OF ALL, YOU RAN INTO IT

* * *

W: Are you done being sassy

D: No

* * *

D: taylor swift as a coursing river

W: Taylor force of a great typhoon

D: taylor strength of a raging fire

W: taylor mysterious as the dark side of the moon

* * *

W: I can't quote poetry

W: but I can quote Moriarty

W: You got to admit that's sexier

D: is that a quote or an example

W: yes

* * *

D: *new yorker voice* bada bing

W: *other new yorker across the street* bada boom

D: *another new yorker opens their window* FORGET ABOUT IT

W: *new yorker on rooftop* I'M WALKIN HERE

* * *

D: WAS IT A CAR OR A CAT I SAW

D: read it in reverse and it will be the same

W: thats some Mirror of erised sh*t right there.

* * *

D: your future self is watching you right now through memories

W: Dick, it is too early for this.

* * *

W: apparently artificial banana flavoring is based on the gros michel banana which was wiped out by a banana plague in the 50s and the banana we eat today is a totally different thing called the cavendish banana and thats why banana candy doesn't taste like bananas do you know how lied to I feel

W: there was a fricking banana apocalypse and no one told me about it till now

* * *

D: there is a town in Norway called Hell, and it freezes over almost every winter.

W: dammit.

* * *

W: I feel really sick

D: whats wrong?

W: burnt tongue and throwing up

D: where are you? what happened? Me and roy will come get you

W: Was at coffee shop. some guys at the adjacent table poured a bunch of salt instead of sugar into my coffee and once I started drinking it I heard them snickering but I just stared at them and downed my coffee and they weren't laughing after that so I burnt my tongue and destroyed my stomach to look like a badass

W: I am in the mall's bathroom don't know which one just gps me.

D: for F's sake, wally.

* * *

D: what if all vowels were a's

D: halla yas ma nama as Dack A'm watchang saparnataral what abaat yaa

D: it's like a whole new language I think I'm onto something here

W: thats not a new language thats a boston accent

* * *

D: I have successfully taught the parrot in the pricipal's office at school to say "Cause I'm Batman, Bitch"

D: Which also kinda sounds like "I'm a boss ass bitch"

W: both. both are good.

* * *

*Peeks out from underneath table*...is it okay to come out now?

Hi everyone :) *sends kisses to all of you*

So I'm just going to be posting little updates on how things are going with me and my stories and such, on my tumblr, my url is authoress-redhead98 if you want to follow me so we can all stay inside the loop, haha

I haven't used it in forever but will be putting it to good use so you guys can stay up to date with me, even when I'm not posting!

I will be answering private messages this week, and reviewer questions in the next chapter!

By the way, I think this crazy crew will be moving to a crazy submarine pretty soon... the raft is losing air...

OH MY GOSH I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH YOU MAKE MY DAY


	44. Chapter 44

W: if you don't stop talking like yoda I am going to punch you

D: annoyed you are?

D: a sh*t I don't give

* * *

D: So my classmate David had his ID stolen yesterday

D: so now we just call him Dav

W: Im so mad at you.

* * *

W: have you ever accidentally befriended someone who is very irritating

D: I thought you said beheaded

W: that would not be an accident

* * *

W: so why do you always carry a knife with you

D: just in case there's cheesecake or someone tries to kidnap me or something idk

* * *

W: i don't care. I am totally comfortable with being garbage today.

D: get out of bed and get busy. Its called garbage can, not garbage cannot.

* * *

W: I just find. it so weird that our, reading voice? obeys instructions set! by little squiggles - and dots even (if they) don't make sense;

D: you make me very angry.

* * *

W: NO OKAY  
W: YOU CAN EAT SALSA AT ROOM TEMPERATURE OR COLD BUT YOU CANNOT HEAT IT UP

* * *

D: but is anyone ever going to talk about the Pixar lamp murdering the letter 'I' then slowly turning to look at you as if to say "If you talk you're next" ?

W: asking the real questions.

* * *

D: when I die I want that cool thing done where they take your ashes and pressures them enough to turn them into a precious gem. I then want that gem forged into a swords hilt so my heir can avenge me because I'm not dying unless I'm killed I can assure you

W: if you don't have an heir I volunteer for avenging you

* * *

W: imagine if giraffes had two legs

D: shut up

* * *

D: oh no

W: don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall

D: yep

W: sharp rocks at the bottom?

D: most likely

W: bring it on

* * *

D: Dude, I have something to tell you…I'm a thespian

D: *aggressively snaps while dramatically exiting stage right*

W: The Bible said Adam and Eve, not *snap snap* *jazz hands* and *dramatic leave*

W: you're just going through a stage

D: No, I'm going on stage *strikes dramatic pose*

* * *

D: So, England in the 1800s?

W: This land is my land

W: and so is this land

W: this is all my land

W: and you get no land

* * *

W: Artemis told me that I need to stop singing I'm a Believer because it was getting really annoying and I laughed because I thought she was kidding

W: but then I saw her face

* * *

W: a girl in class is reading 50 shades of grey oh my gosh

W: she just went to her locker the book is on her desk

W: I'm gonna open it to a random page and text you what I find

D: ew I don't wanna read that

D: Wally don't you dare

W: Christian Grey put his thumb in my mouth. And then the other one. And then two more. "Wider," he said, as he put in one more. "I bet you've never had this many thumbs in your mouth." I hadn't.

D: where is he getting all of those thumbs

* * *

D: I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position

W: I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed

* * *

W: hey move to the left you're blocking the view

D: I am the view

* * *

W: Okay first of all

W: what gives you the right to send the Gettysburg address to me in morse code

* * *

D: oh no

W: what

W: what did you do

D: okay first of all tell nobody, bruce can't find out

W: me and Roy won't tell a soul now WHAT HAPPENED

D: You know the jackass at school who gives me and Babs a really hard time…

D: I rubbed poison ivy leaves all over his car, but he was carpooling with 3 of his jerk friends that day…so today they come in covered with rashes…and so did 3 of the cheerleaders….and one of the hot teachers, and the principal… now they're being investigated and everyone is sent home for 48 hours so this doesn't become wide spread…holy crap.

* * *

W: are tectonic plates dishwasher safe?

D: Idk but they're perfect for a continental breakfast

W: thats some faulty humor man

R: geology.

D: thank you for your contribution Roy

* * *

I'm trying guys, really am trying to work on story updates, but it's a struggle. I'm never left alone to actually WORK on it,

*Kisses to everyone*

Tonight is the night, I will make up for lost time!


	45. Chapter 45

W: are there any side effects to eating a whole bottle of gummy vitamins

D: why did you eat a whole bottle of gummy vitamins

W: maybe

* * *

D: all I'm saying is I'm really glad we have electricity for household and general lighting ya know, cause if we had to use candles then there'd constantly be fires caused by bad luck plus fires caused by stupidity,

D: and don't even get me started on the pyromaniacs

* * *

W: I've got the bread for the ducks will meet you at the pond

D: what if ducks threw the bread back at us

W: we'd have to duck

D: …

* * *

W: so have you died of hospital boredom yet

D: *sends picture of bare foot in a rubber glove*

W: you are my favorite person

* * *

D: are you busy

D: you're not allowed to be busy

D: i'm too codependent on you for you to be busy stop being busy and meet me at the cave something really funny just happened

* * *

D: if you spell skeletons backwards it still spells skeletons

W: I cant wait for halloween to see some snotelecks

* * *

W: rules to learning english:

W: their our know rules

D: first of all screw you and second of all screw that

* * *

D: there's a really cute dog at the park right now

D: do you want me to send you a pic

* * *

W: i just saw someone put ketchup on their mac n cheese

D: I'm calling the police

* * *

W: I was trying to avoid eye contact with a police officer while walking and ran straight into a tree branch

W: I can still hear him laughing behind me

* * *

D: bad timing dude

W: isn't it always

* * *

W: In fifth grade we were making little clay statues and mine came out really crappy so I left a big air pocket in it so it would explode when the teacher put it in the kiln and it exploded so hard it destroyed ten other kids' statues and they were all on the verge of tears and I thought it was really funny I still do

D: so basically you planted a bomb

* * *

W: guess who's bored

W: me

W: I'm bored

W: give me attention

* * *

D: I think I'm having a mid life crisis

W: you are 13

D: I might die at 26

* * *

D: if you say "whale oil beef hooked" really fast it sound like "well I'll be f*cked" in an irish accent

W: how….how on earth did you discover this.

* * *

W: my anaconda don't want none

W: unless you DEFEAT THE HUNS SON

* * *

W: you're one in a million. That means there are 320 of you in the United States. Find yourself. Start an army. Overthrow the government of a small midwestern town

D: and now, the weather

* * *

W: you've slowly taken all my clothes and now I literally have no pants to wear

D: Roy asked what was up and I said you have no pants on and now he thinks we're sexting

W: what are you wearing

D: your NASA t shirt and levi jeans

W: dude seriously.

* * *

(Roy Guest Appearance)

D: can you use the term "I sh*t you not" in an english essay or is that unprofessional?

W: never use 'i' statements in formal essays. For example,

W: 'One sh*ts you not' or "This author sh*ts you not"

R: It's best to avoid the general 'you'. "One would not be considered sh*tted" is probably the best way I could think to word it formally

D: okay good thx

* * *

AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


	46. Chapter 46

D: some dating advice

D: carpe diem - seize the day

D: carpe noctem - seize the night

D: carpe natem - seize the ass

W: I am going to strangle you

D: carpe collum - seize the neck

* * *

D: never microwave a capri sun

W: what did you do

D: I microwaved a capri sun

* * *

D: today sucked

W: remember, everyday is a gift

D: Then today was socks

* * *

W: just tried turkish delight for the first time

W: it was good but not 'sell out my family to the white queen' good.

* * *

W: my math final is about to begin and half the class is praying to god while the other half is making deals with satan

D: are you sure this isn't a supernatural episode

* * *

W: list of words containing the work 'meow' -

W: meow, meowed, meowing, meows, homeowner

D: what the

* * *

W: whats the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?

W: one's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean

D: dude.

* * *

W: due to the evolution of bacteria with respect to our bodies natural defense mechanism, traveling forward in time could kill you, and traveling backward in time could kill everyone

D: what if the black plague and spanish flu outbreaks were caused by some assh*le time traveller

* * *

W: if I was in prison I'd be like 'just call me Mitochondria because I'm the POWERHOUSE OF THIS CELL'

D: ya, thats the one thing you DONT do if you're in prison.

* * *

D: random fact time

W: hit me

D: the word 'panic' is actually from the greek work 'panikos' which is referring to the greek god pan who apparently would shout at people who were alone in the woods to freak them out

* * *

D: did you know that beekeepers have famously attractive eyes? Every single one of them

D: I don't know the science behind it, but studies show that beauty is in the eye of the bee holder.

* * *

W: true self control is waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn

D: why would the movie eat my popcorn

D: nevermind I get it

* * *

D: firefly is the opposite of waterfall

W: what have you done

* * *

W: "Olay?" "Olay." The Fault In Our Sombreros. Nacho average love story.

D: It's spelled ole not olay this aint the fault in our lotions

* * *

D: friendly reminder that 'kudos' means 'glory' in ancient greek, so if you give someone kudos you are wishing them renown on the battlefield

W: kudos man.

W: *throws apple at you*

* * *

W: THERE IS A FREAKING COW TRYING TO GET INSIDE MY HOUSE

W: I AM HOME ALONE

W: WHAT DO I DO THERE IS A COW PRESSING ITS FACE AGAINST THE WINDOW

D: tell it to moooooove

* * *

W: careful when you walk in I am laying by the door

D: kay

D: why

* * *

W: dude. This is your 'are you still alive' text. Any response will do.

D: hey I found a cat!

* * *

W: sorry for talking about super scientific stuff so much last night. I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

D: what? you sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

* * *

W: first day of Dickie's new school year!

W: remember your manners and the magic words, like 'please', 'thank you', and 'step off bitch', kay? Have a good day!

* * *

W: august, september, halloween, turkey, christmas

R: I believe its spelled hot as balls, sh*t its school again, halloween, turkey, christmas

W: dont forget new years, hearts and sh*t, windy as hell, oh great its raining, allergies, oh hey its actually decent, wait never mind

D: and a partridge and a pear tree

* * *

Hello wonderful people! I am working on a sufficient authors note for next chapter that will probably be half the length of the entire chapter, haha I wonder how many people would actually read my long windedness for that long :)

Happy holidays, see you in the next update soon!

And get your stuff together, we're going into the crazy submarine! Time to get this crazy show on the road again (or, under the waves, pfft)

:D

AND KEEP CELEBRATING OFFICIALLY GETTING SEASON 3 FOR YOUNG JUSTICE!


	47. Chapter 47

W: how long does an owl live?

D: six and a half books

W: YOU ARE GROUNDED

* * *

D: lets go to weight watchers and eat in front of them

W: I cant right now how about tomorrow

D: fine

* * *

D: so how is rome

W: I want a grilled cheese and an IV

* * *

W: whats the plan

D: it will take finesse and focus, none of which you have.

* * *

D: if you step on a persons foot they open their mouths, just like trash cans

W: I am so mad for laughing at this

* * *

W: I just realized that ironing boards are surf boards that quit following their dreams and have an actual job.

W: never be an ironing board dude

* * *

W: mermaids or unicorns

D: mermaids

* * *

W: mom and dad went out. Im bored.

D: do something fun then. blow up the house or whatever.

W: should probably avoid that.

W: well cant you come over

D: I thought we were trying to avoid that outcome

* * *

D: blood and glitter go together right?

W: depends on what time it is

D: between 2 and 5 am?

W: ya it works

* * *

D: why was I handcuffed to the roof?

W: it was easier than trying to explain why you couldn't fly

* * *

D: you texted me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese

D: congrats. you made toast.

* * *

W: imagine shooting santa claus out of the sky

W: its funny cause all I can hear him shouting is "Ho HO HOLY SH*t!"

* * *

D: airplanes have now banned tweezers

D: personally I think anyone who can hijack a plane with tweezers deserves the plane

* * *

W: lets get naked

D: no lets save that for when we are selling real estate

R: wtf guys

R: I'm telling Dinah

D: its from SPONGEBOB CHILL ROY

* * *

R: you're not coming over unless you bring new plates, expensive ones.

W: we don't HAVE to use plates you know

W: I didn't even do it, it was Dick!

D: in all honesty Roy part of this is your fault. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong

* * *

R: just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie

R: it hasn't moved in 20 minutes

W: …

D: where do I even begin

* * *

R: why don't murderers just hide the bodies in cemeteries

W: thanks for the tip

D: this is not a tip this is a joke

* * *

D: great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow

B: How about you call me now Dick.

D: oh….hi…

D: sorry bruce that wasn't meant for you

B: Call me.

* * *

my keyboard went bad I'm typing the authors note by using the mouse to click one letter at a time on the screen wow this sucks i gotta go get another one so noodles hugs and high fives everyone this note took five minutes to write wow


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